About Me

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I am a 30-something FORMER DINK (Double Income, No Kids) who welcomed our first child on August 1st, 2011 following many years of infertility. I am married to a wonderful (though somewhat work-a-holic) husband and daddy. This is my journal to help me stay sane through the trials of infertility, pregnancy and motherhood. We have unexplained infertility. After enduring IVF #1 failure, we miraculously became pregnant from FET #1, and we were overjoyed to welcome our little one August 1st of 2011.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Retrieval Day!

Retrieval Day was very exciting. We had to be at the R.E.’s office at 6:45am, so we woke up early to get ready and get the sperm safely in their little cup. Once we got there, I had to get weighed, blood pressure taken, etc, then was escorted back to a little room with a couple of comfy chairs, a tv and a bed. There I got to change into my gown and socks, then we sat and waited until the anesthesiologist arrived. It was freezing in that room and I was a little (or a lot) nervous, so became a little bitchy.

Once the anesthesiologist arrived, we went over the details of what he would be doing, and I was taken into the surgical suite. They put my arms and legs in their proper spaces and belted me all in. It sounds scary, and I am very claustrophobic, but it really wasn’t. I wasn’t strapped in too tight, it made me feel safe like a seat belt, not constricted. The anesthesiologist numbed my hand, then inserted my IV. No big deal, just a little burning with the lidocaine and then that weird feeling of cold liquid entering your bloodstream. Then he started talking to me about wine and whether I was a white or a red wine girl…which is the last thing I remember.

I woke up to the awesome news that 21 eggs were retrieved. TW was so sweet and nice to me. I was totally still drunk from all the meds, but came out of it pretty quickly. I did have pain that was worse than I had imagined but they gave me a Tylenol with codeine and it definitely helped. I stayed in that room eating crackers and drinking orange juice for probably 1-1/2 to 2 hours. At some point my nurse came in and removed my catheter. This part sucked. I’ve never had a catheter and I hated it. It wasn’t that painful having it removed, but it burned. Then she had me try to pee. I was able to get some out, but it burned really badly. After that, they let me go home.

I was prescribed two different medicines to keep me from having too much fluid build up. I went home and really tried to keep drinking as much as I could, but it burned so bad to pee and I seemed to have to go every 30 minutes or so. It was very annoying. I also had a great deal of ovary pain, so I had to just take it easy all day. By last night I was feeling a little better, but very bloated, and I was wishing that I could stay home another day. I was able to get to sleep very easily (residual effect from the anesthesia I’m sure), but I was up every 2 hours having to pee, so I think one of those pills is like a water pill.

The PIO shot went pretty well last night too. It was a small dose ¼ of a cc, so I’m sure that makes it a little easier. As soon as TW finished the shot I started to rub it and applied a hot compress on it for a maybe 30 minutes. I even used a back massager on the area for a while. This morning, I couldn’t feel it at all, but this afternoon, I am starting to notice some soreness. I’m nervous the larger dose will cause more discomfort, but hopefully it will result in a beautiful baby, and then I won’t care. The shots are nasty and I hate them, but they don’t hurt really. They just feel gross.

Today I woke up feeling ok, still sore, but mostly ok. I was moving a lot slower than normal, but I was able to get ready in time. I’m still having trouble with the pee situation. I almost had to have TW stop on the way in to work to let me go, and I had just gone right before I left. I’m really hoping this part resolves itself quickly. All in all, I can’t really complain. It was an experience that I survived, I wouldn’t be too upset if I had to repeat it and the outcome was very good.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Day 11 of Stims and Trigger!

Last time I posted an update it was day 6 of stims. Things have changed so much since then. To bring it all up to date: Day 8 of stims things were moving along and my E2 was 826. Then on Day 10 of stims, I was almost ready, but not quite, and my E2 was 1980. I don’t even know what E2 was on Day 11 of stims yet. My dosages didn’t change at all after that first adjustment, so I’ve been doing 225 of Follistim AM and PM and 2.5 units of Lupron at night. Last follicle count there were about 18, but who knows what they will actually retrieve. I’m forcing myself not to get hung up on it until they actually come out.

So yesterday was Day 11, I took my Follistim in the morning, then headed to the Dr. My U/S looked good, and the doctor decided we were ready to trigger. Then he nearly gave me a heart attack because he yelled out to the nurse for me to go home and inject 5 units of Lupron so I don’t prematurely surge. This has been my biggest fear all along in this process, so it didn’t make me feel very good, but I was never more willing to jab that Lupron in.

One of the strangest things for me has been that the first several days of stims, up until day 6, I was noticing pinching in my ovaries, and I was actually very uncomfortable by Friday. Then, all of a sudden, starting on Saturday I felt pretty good. That is why I began to fear that I surged early and lost all my eggs. It’s just so strange that my ovaries are so enlarged with all these eggs and I’m more comfortable than I am on a normal cycle.

So after yesterday’s VERY uncomfortable ultrasound, I was given instructions to trigger at 9pm and be at the clinic at 7:30am on Wednesday. I was scared to death of this trigger shot, but thanks to all the online infertiles, I knew to ask my nurse if I could use 25 gauge needles instead of 22 gauge for both my HCG and my PIO. I also asked if I could use 1 inch instead of 1-1/2 inch. I don’t have a lot of “junk in my trunk”, so she agreed on both counts. The difference between the two needles is significant, at least in perception, so I’m very happy about that.

Last night, at promptly 9pm, my wonderful husband gave a perfect intramuscular injection then lovingly rubbed the area to disperse the medication. It was such a relief that it didn’t really hurt, and he was so sweet. I’m not necessarily looking forward to these nightly sessions, but I’m glad they don’t have to be torture.

Tomorrow is my egg retrieval. I’m so scared and so excited all at the same time.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Day 6 of Stims

Yesterday’s appointment went so much better than Monday’s. My arm is starting to get really sore, so I think we’re going to have to switch to my left arm for tomorrow’s blood draw. My vein in the left arm is a little less accessible, but I think that would be worth it to save me the trouble on my right.

Of course, I’m obsessing as I think every IVF patient does. My estrogen was much better, up to 203 yesterday. This was more than double Monday’s number, so I feel really good about it. I would like it to be a little higher, but I certainly don’t want OHSS, so as long as things are growing and developing, I’m ok with a teensy bit lower E2 level. Because my stats were pretty good yesterday, my dosages stayed the same, which is exactly what I wanted to have happen. I think I’m hoping for an E2 level of about 550 tomorrow, but I have no idea if that’s good or bad for this stage of the game and the nurses seem to guard that information like it’s a national security item.

So on Day 6 of stims I had 13 eggs growing. After obsessively searching the internet I’ve learned exactly nothing that would help me to determine what that might mean for me from a fertilization perspective. Maybe they’ll retrieve them all, maybe there will be more before retrieval, maybe they won’t retrieve them all. Maybe they’ll all be mature, maybe only ½ will be mature. Maybe all the mature ones will fertilize, maybe none of them will, and who will EVER know what the quality of any of them will be. In conclusion, I could have 20 embryos or zero embryos on transfer day. Talk about not having control of something!

Last night my belly was sticking out like I was already pregnant. I have to admit I kind of enjoyed this look, but since I’m not pregnant, and barely halfway through my stims, it concerned me slightly. I’m not sure how I’m going to hide a massive (non-pregnant) belly, so hopefully it doesn’t get too big and doesn’t last too long.

I had to order 3 more vials of Follistim yesterday as well. I probably could have squeaked by on 2, since I have an extra 300 in the fridge, but I don’t mind having an extra vial in the event this doesn’t work and we’re on our own next cycle. I think I’ll attempt to order as many meds as possible before we lose our insurance so we can take the most advantage of this coverage. Once again I need to remind myself how very blessed we are that we have coverage, even though it is going away.

Day 6 Stims Stats
Estrogen – 203 (up from >90 on Monday)
Follicles – We saw 7 on my right ovary, and 6 on my left ovary (thankfully, lefty finally showed her face)
New Lupron Dose – 2.5 units – Same as before
New Follistin Dose – 225 AM and 225 PM – Same as before

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

E2 and Insurance

I received my bloodwork results from yesterday and experienced déjà vu. Last time I used injectibles it was for an IUI cycle, so of course things are a little different, but once again, my estrogen is being suppressed by the Lupron.

This was my first monitoring appointment and the doctor is lowering the Lupron dose now and upping the Follistim, so I suppose he is on top of things, but I could have told him this would happen. In fact, I did tell him at my trial transfer. He said with the higher dose of Follistim there shouldn’t be a problem.

It irritates me a little that we are playing around with some of the same issues we had last time. Kind of like…we should have learned about this in practice, but now we’re at the Superbowl, or at least at a playoff game and we’re dealing with it again.

Day 4 Stims Stats
Estrogen – 90 (up from >20 on Friday)
Follicles – We saw 6 on my right ovary, but my left ovary was behind my uterus and totally invisible!
New Lupron Dose – 2.5 units (down from 5 units)
New Follistin Dose – 225 AM and 225 PM (up from 150 PM, AM stayed the same)

I learned today that my company is changing insurance providers. I knew from the beginning that my IVF coverage was a gift that I shouldn’t take for granted, alas, I began to take it for granted. I don’t know much yet about the new plan, and of course, there is a chance it will cover infertility, but I’m not holding my breath.

As much as I would like for this not to cause undue stress, it is. I feel like I am now putting all my eggs (no pun intended) in this one paid IVF basket. I also kind of feel betrayed by the company. Aren’t benefits part of the compensation package? How is it that they can just switch them with only 45 days notice. I know I should not be complaining. One paid cycle is more than most people get.

Of course, if they don’t cover infertility, AND if this cycle is a bust, then I can at least order all my meds for another cycle under this insurance before the switch. That will still save me thousands of dollars.

I need to find a nice, relaxing happy place for my mind to spend the next few weeks. The good news is, no more headaches and my moods seemed to have stabilized.

Monday, August 16, 2010

The Stimming Has Begun

Well my stims have started. I was a little surprised on Friday when they told me there would be an AM shot and a PM shot, plus a Menopur injection for a jump start and my lupron for a grand total of 4 shots a day. I guess it’s not a big deal, although it hit me as being kind of overwhelming at the time. Friday was a bad day for me anyway. I am having lots of trouble sleeping, and the whole week I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep, so I was suffering from that, and the Lupron headaches were just brutal last week. I was having a difficult time holding it together at work which is so not me. I’m very stoic at the office and I am not a big cryer normally, but Friday was a challenge for me. Fortunately I’m feeling much better.

Today was day 4 of stims. My follistim dose has been 225 in the AM, then 75 + Menopur in the PM. Last night I didn’t have a Menopur injection, so my evening dose of the Follistim increased to 150. I’m waiting to hear from the nurse now on what tonight’s dose will look like. I’m hoping that they leave everything the same. That would give me some confidence that things are going according to plan.

My ultrasound this morning was both exciting and frustrating. There were 6 visible measurable follicles on my right ovary. According to the nurse, they were all about the same size too, so this is good news. The frustrating part is that my left ovary is hiding behind my uterus and for the second time, they can’t even catch a glimpse of it on the ultrasound. I’m disappointed by this and hope it shows itself soon, because I’m not sure what they do if they have no visibility to all these follicles we’re trying to grow.

I’m anxiously awaiting my E2 bloodwork and I’m hopeful that I remember to ask the nurse what it was on Friday, so I can compare. This is my favorite part of the cycle. It is so much fun for us obsessive types because between the ultrasounds and the bloodwork, there is so much we can work with.

I don’t even know yet what is a good number of follicles and what a good E2 level looks like, but I’m just so excited about all of it.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

A Tragedy

I’m having a very blah day today. I found out a couple of days ago that a guy I dated in high school died of cancer. I had heard that he was sick 12 years ago, but he beat it and he had been given a clean bill of health. Then 4 months ago they found out his cancer had returned and now in a blink of an eye he’s gone. He leaves behind his wife of 2 years and their unborn son (this rips my heart) along with tons of other family and friends. He was a pediatric endocrinologist and just an all around great guy. My relationship with him was really insignificant, it was short, very young, summer, high school innocence. It was defined by lots of movies, miniature golf and hanging out with friends. Beyond the summer romance, though, I grew up with him and his sister. His father was the principal of my grade school and his family was just a big part of my childhood. I just cannot stop wondering why these things happen to people who have so much to offer and live such wonderful lives. His obituary was in the paper today, so it made it that much more real. It is a true tragedy.

In addition to this news, I have given up caffeine for good today, so I’m kind of just meandering through my day. I have a bit of a headache, it could be from the lack of caffeine, the addition of the Lupron or just from my heavy heart from the news that I’m still digesting.

On a much lighter note, I did discover last night that ice truly does numb the skin nicely for an injection. Again, I have to reiterate that these Lupron shots are not so painful that I need to numb the skin. I’m actually doing a bit of experimentation to find out the least painful way to administer an injection so when it’s time for the big butt shots, we can utilize these methods and hopefully reduce the stress and pain there.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Still hating needles

Last night I tried something new to try to reduce the pain on the Lupron shots and it seemed to work some. To be clear, these shots don’t really HURT, they just pinch a little and last time I literally couldn’t feel the needle, so I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing differently or maybe I’m just more sensitive this time around. My concern is not these little shots at all, it’s the big ones that are only a few weeks away that I’m trying to gear up for. Anyway, I tried flicking the skin until it turned a bit red, then I used the alcohol swab (in that order), then I did the injection. I honestly felt it less. I think tonight I’m going to try ice. To me, putting ice on an area prior to injecting yourself there seems like it would feel worse, like maybe you’d be able to feel the needle more. I’d rather figure that out now with the little needles than find out with the big one in my butt.

This morning we dropped off TW’s “back up” semen. This will be analyzed, washed etc, then put in the freezer for our big day. It’s just in case he has performance anxiety or he has an emergency and can’t be there or something. It makes me feel so relieved to have that back up there.

By the way, going off the wine has been great. I am very happy having a small scoop of ice cream instead.

Monday, August 2, 2010

I Hate Needles

I have now given myself 3 injections of Lupron. The first one went in perfectly, didn’t even feel it and it was all beautiful. The other two have hurt a little. Last time around the Lupron didn’t hurt at all, it was seriously no big deal. I think I need to give it a harder jab into my stomach. The nurse said the Lupron needles are actually not as sharp as some of the other needles, so maybe that’s why I’m feeling it. Another very strange thing happened though. This weekend at acupuncture, the needles were so uncomfortable going in that I’ve vowed not to go back. I mean, if it’s going to give me stress to go, I’m sure it’s negating some of the benefits. The weird thing is that all of a sudden I’m ultra-sensitive to needles.

Now I’ve always been scared to death of needles, but in the past I could always say that I didn’t even feel it going in. Now all of a sudden I’m sensitive. This is not good timing to get sensitive. I’m hoping for better luck tonight.

Tonight is the night I give up the wine too. I’ve been drinking about a glass of wine per night pretty regularly for the last several months. Although I’m unsure of the impact, I’m not taking any chances. Instead of wine, I think I’m going to treat myself to curling up in bed early with some mint-chocolate chip ice cream and a movie or something like that.