I’m just wondering if I’m the only one who does NOT plan to have any on-site assistance from grandparents or anyone else the first few days after my baby comes home. I have told other new mothers/pregnant women this and each time I was met with stares of disbelief, jaw-dropping faces full of shock, and numerous attempts to change my mind. I just don’t understand this. I have no doubt that the first few days after I bring my baby home are going to be full of unexpected “events”. I say that because I know it’s going to be crazy, but I really don’t know what it’s going to be like. I know there’s a good chance I won’t sleep at all. I know there’s a good chance I’ll hover over the baby while he/she is sleeping to confirm breathing. I know there’s a good chance I could panic and not know how on earth I will ever do all this by myself. At the same time, I have confidence that between my husband and I, we will figure it out, and I tend to believe that if we do it by ourselves, we are more likely to gain confidence in our own abilities sooner than if we had a seasoned mother on hand.
I have friends who are having their mothers actually come to stay with them for the first week. I can’t think of anything I would want LESS than having my mother come stay with me. To be clear, I adore my mother and she is probably my best friend, but I want these first few days to be just the new baby, my husband and me. Don’t get me wrong, if other people choose to have help those first few days, I’m certainly not condemning them. I’m just finding it odd that everyone looks at me like I have three heads when I suggest that we might “go it alone”. I know it’s not going to be easy, but what better way to get my arms around how to do this, but to jump in with both feet.
What adds to the complexity of this situation is that my parents live 14 hours (drive) away from us, so for them to be here after the baby is born, they literally have to be staying with us. I would certainly welcome an afternoon guest if I had relatives close by, but a weeklong stay is another thing. Also, I'm not trying to keep them away indefinitely, I will invite my parents to come visit their new grandchild a couple of weeks after I give birth. This will give my husband and me a chance to bond a little as a family and get a handle on how we want to do things. I am sure that we won’t have it all figured out yet, and I’m also sure my mother will have some morsels of wisdom to offer that I will be grateful to learn, but I want to wait until we’re a couple weeks in.
About Me
- 30SomethingDINK
- I am a 30-something FORMER DINK (Double Income, No Kids) who welcomed our first child on August 1st, 2011 following many years of infertility. I am married to a wonderful (though somewhat work-a-holic) husband and daddy. This is my journal to help me stay sane through the trials of infertility, pregnancy and motherhood. We have unexplained infertility. After enduring IVF #1 failure, we miraculously became pregnant from FET #1, and we were overjoyed to welcome our little one August 1st of 2011.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
12 Weeks 2 Days And A New OB
What a great day! I went for a first appointment with a new OB this morning (more on that later). I had to insist on an ultrasound claiming that it might be a good idea to check on the status of my “demised” twin (the embryo is supposed to be reabsorbing). I had been very nervous the last few weeks that things might not be going as well because my all-day sickness had all but disappeared for days on end and I just didn’t have that pregnant feeling. Well this ultrasound was so worth it. What a difference a few weeks makes. The little nugget was flopping around in there moving its arms and literally like rolling over. The nurse who was in the room as well even remarked how cute it was to see the baby moving so much. Of course, I then became paranoid that maybe this wasn’t normal, but they quickly told me that it was very healthy behavior.
I just can’t believe there is a tiny human in there. I saw it with my own eyes, but I can hardly believe it. My heart is soaring today with hope and relief. I feel so much better about this pregnancy. We are really getting close to another major milestone. I cannot wait to hit that magic second trimester. The doctor also listened to the heartbeat with the Doppler, which will give me a much better idea of how to locate that heartbeat at home (more on that later too). My husband hasn’t been to an ultrasound since 8 weeks. He is going to absolutely flip next week at our high risk appointment when he sees how different this baby is now.
In other good, yet kind of sad news, we could barely even see little guy. I couldn’t see his sac anywhere, but the doctor finally found it. The teensiest little body was still inside. I don’t know if his body is shrinking or if our live baby has just grown so much that now this little guy looks like an ant in comparison. The doctor said this is what they want to see, so I’m content with that.
So, the reason I had this appointment today is because I decided to consider switching OB’s. I hate to do that because my first OB was very highly regarded by my R.E. and I really liked her when I saw her before getting pregnant, but when I went to my first appointment, I was a little annoyed that I wasn’t getting the “love” I felt at my R.E.’s office. I suppose if I had a long standing relationship with this doctor, it all may have been very different, but since we only moved into town a few months before I started going to the R.E. I had only been to this OB once before this.
I then called one day because I was nervous about my sickness disappearing completely and abruptly (only to come back with a vengeance 3 days later, but I didn’t know this at the time), and her nurse was very dismissive with me. I asked her if there was anything to worry about if my sickness disappeared completely at 11 weeks. She just said “no”, like that was it…I would have liked to hear “every pregnancy is different, but you are coming up on the time that the sickness is going to start diminishing, so no, there is nothing to be concerned about” All she said was “no”. I said something like “Listen bitch (that part was in my head but the rest I actually said) I know you see pregnant women all day every day, but I have been infertile for 11 years, I’ve had countless IUI’s and two IVF’s, I finally got pregnant, but I’ve already lost one of them. You’ll have to understand that I’m a nervous pregnant woman.” Still nothing. I literally had to repeat my question, “so you really think there’s nothing to be concerned about??”. Once again she says “no”, that it!! I think I can do better than this.
On top of that I waited over 90 minutes in the waiting room to see this doctor. I have heard many people say before that it’s the same story everywhere, but I think it is incredibly rude and arrogant to have patients (many of whom have taken time off work) sitting in your waiting room for more than 30 minutes. If my nail salon is running 30 minutes late, they call me, can’t the doctor do something similar? It’s not like I have nothing else to do with my time.
Anyway, I decided to ask a few friends for some referrals and try out at least one other office. So far, I think I’ve decided to switch to the new office. I still would like to have that familiarity and compassion from the R.E.’s office, but I’m guessing that will come as I get to know these people better. I hate being coddled, so I’m not looking for smothering sweetness, but I would like something more than “no” lady. I think I’ll get that here.
In other news, my Doppler arrived! Now, I was terrified to use this thing only to be unable to find the heartbeat and freak out and be nervous about my baby for weeks while I waited for my next appt (originally I wasn’t scheduled to see the OB again until 1/26, but I got to go earlier because of the whole new OB thing). I thought I would start by trying to find my own heartbeat. This was actually much more difficult than I thought it would be. Once I found it, I decided that if I couldn’t find my plum sized baby’s heartbeat after struggling to find my own (when I’m pretty familiar with where it is located), I won’t freak. I poked around for a while in the appropriate area and didn’t find it. I then realized that maybe the reason it was so hard to find my own heartbeat was because I hadn’t used any gel or anything. My unit didn’t come with a sample of gel, but I read in the reviews that lotion works just as well, so I put a little lotion in my heart area and HELLO! There was my heartbeat…much easier to find. I decided to stop right there and not work to find the baby’s heartbeat. It was too stressful already.
NOW, tonight, I’m going to try again. I know the little one’s heart was beating at 160 just this morning. If I can’t find it, it just means that I suck at operating the Doppler, or that the equipment is inferior to the one at the doctor’s office (which I’m quite sure it is). It does NOT mean that anything is wrong with this precious baby. It was also good to see that it even took the doctor a minute to find it (a minute that felt like at least 10 minutes). I was able to note the location though and I think I know what I’m looking for. We’ll see. If it doesn’t work, I’ll try again next week after the high risk doc. I think if I can only try on days when I know everything is fine, I can spare myself the fear that there actually is no heartbeat. Once I’ve found it, I think I’ll be able to find it again when I’m feeling nervous.
I am still having ups and downs for sure, but today, I’m starting to feel like we might actually have a baby here this summer. It’s an amazing feeling. Probably the same feeling fertiles get when they through away their last batch of birth control pills. Oh how different we are and always will be.
I just can’t believe there is a tiny human in there. I saw it with my own eyes, but I can hardly believe it. My heart is soaring today with hope and relief. I feel so much better about this pregnancy. We are really getting close to another major milestone. I cannot wait to hit that magic second trimester. The doctor also listened to the heartbeat with the Doppler, which will give me a much better idea of how to locate that heartbeat at home (more on that later too). My husband hasn’t been to an ultrasound since 8 weeks. He is going to absolutely flip next week at our high risk appointment when he sees how different this baby is now.
In other good, yet kind of sad news, we could barely even see little guy. I couldn’t see his sac anywhere, but the doctor finally found it. The teensiest little body was still inside. I don’t know if his body is shrinking or if our live baby has just grown so much that now this little guy looks like an ant in comparison. The doctor said this is what they want to see, so I’m content with that.
So, the reason I had this appointment today is because I decided to consider switching OB’s. I hate to do that because my first OB was very highly regarded by my R.E. and I really liked her when I saw her before getting pregnant, but when I went to my first appointment, I was a little annoyed that I wasn’t getting the “love” I felt at my R.E.’s office. I suppose if I had a long standing relationship with this doctor, it all may have been very different, but since we only moved into town a few months before I started going to the R.E. I had only been to this OB once before this.
I then called one day because I was nervous about my sickness disappearing completely and abruptly (only to come back with a vengeance 3 days later, but I didn’t know this at the time), and her nurse was very dismissive with me. I asked her if there was anything to worry about if my sickness disappeared completely at 11 weeks. She just said “no”, like that was it…I would have liked to hear “every pregnancy is different, but you are coming up on the time that the sickness is going to start diminishing, so no, there is nothing to be concerned about” All she said was “no”. I said something like “Listen bitch (that part was in my head but the rest I actually said) I know you see pregnant women all day every day, but I have been infertile for 11 years, I’ve had countless IUI’s and two IVF’s, I finally got pregnant, but I’ve already lost one of them. You’ll have to understand that I’m a nervous pregnant woman.” Still nothing. I literally had to repeat my question, “so you really think there’s nothing to be concerned about??”. Once again she says “no”, that it!! I think I can do better than this.
On top of that I waited over 90 minutes in the waiting room to see this doctor. I have heard many people say before that it’s the same story everywhere, but I think it is incredibly rude and arrogant to have patients (many of whom have taken time off work) sitting in your waiting room for more than 30 minutes. If my nail salon is running 30 minutes late, they call me, can’t the doctor do something similar? It’s not like I have nothing else to do with my time.
Anyway, I decided to ask a few friends for some referrals and try out at least one other office. So far, I think I’ve decided to switch to the new office. I still would like to have that familiarity and compassion from the R.E.’s office, but I’m guessing that will come as I get to know these people better. I hate being coddled, so I’m not looking for smothering sweetness, but I would like something more than “no” lady. I think I’ll get that here.
In other news, my Doppler arrived! Now, I was terrified to use this thing only to be unable to find the heartbeat and freak out and be nervous about my baby for weeks while I waited for my next appt (originally I wasn’t scheduled to see the OB again until 1/26, but I got to go earlier because of the whole new OB thing). I thought I would start by trying to find my own heartbeat. This was actually much more difficult than I thought it would be. Once I found it, I decided that if I couldn’t find my plum sized baby’s heartbeat after struggling to find my own (when I’m pretty familiar with where it is located), I won’t freak. I poked around for a while in the appropriate area and didn’t find it. I then realized that maybe the reason it was so hard to find my own heartbeat was because I hadn’t used any gel or anything. My unit didn’t come with a sample of gel, but I read in the reviews that lotion works just as well, so I put a little lotion in my heart area and HELLO! There was my heartbeat…much easier to find. I decided to stop right there and not work to find the baby’s heartbeat. It was too stressful already.
NOW, tonight, I’m going to try again. I know the little one’s heart was beating at 160 just this morning. If I can’t find it, it just means that I suck at operating the Doppler, or that the equipment is inferior to the one at the doctor’s office (which I’m quite sure it is). It does NOT mean that anything is wrong with this precious baby. It was also good to see that it even took the doctor a minute to find it (a minute that felt like at least 10 minutes). I was able to note the location though and I think I know what I’m looking for. We’ll see. If it doesn’t work, I’ll try again next week after the high risk doc. I think if I can only try on days when I know everything is fine, I can spare myself the fear that there actually is no heartbeat. Once I’ve found it, I think I’ll be able to find it again when I’m feeling nervous.
I am still having ups and downs for sure, but today, I’m starting to feel like we might actually have a baby here this summer. It’s an amazing feeling. Probably the same feeling fertiles get when they through away their last batch of birth control pills. Oh how different we are and always will be.
Friday, January 7, 2011
The word is out...(10 Weeks 6 Days)
I told my boss today about my pregnancy. I just decided I wanted to get it done. I have my infusion next week, so it’s likely it will come out anyway, and I wanted to give him the weekend to process the news. He was really great about it. I knew he would be, but I also know he’s going to stress about my leave, so I was a little worried. If I had been here for a really long time, I wouldn’t worry nearly as much, but I’ve only been here for about 7 months. I didn’t even tell him about IVF, and shockingly, he didn’t ask. I just told him I was pregnant and the immediate expression on his face seemed to be genuine excitement for me. As many people have pointed out after hearing about his questions about my health, he really is nosy and bordering on downright rude, but I do think his intentions are pure. He really likes me, we work well together as a team, and he doesn’t want me to be gone. I can’t help but be a little flattered by that. I feel that an enormous weight has been lifted; I’m just glad it’s out there. I asked him to keep this confidential for another few weeks and he agreed whole-heartedly with the strategy.
So today I’m 10 weeks, 6 days. I literally feel like I’ve been 10 weeks for 3 weeks, but on Sunday, I will finally be 11 weeks. I’m not sure how much help it is to be 11 weeks instead of 10, but I’ll take it. I have had some worrisome times the last couple of days. As much as I try to just have faith that my remaining baby is perfectly fine, growing strong and I’ll actually give birth to a healthy, full-term baby this summer, I do sometimes waver. Surprisingly the death of my smaller twin is not giving me less faith, it’s actually giving me more faith. My doctor spotted the problem with the little guy immediately on the first ultrasound. Despite the strong heartbeat and his almost keeping up with the bigger twin, he said from the beginning that the news would not be good. Since he was able to spot that, I feel more confident that my larger twin will be fine. No one has seen anything to worry about with him/her, so he must be fine. (Please let me live in this blissful ignorance, I’m sure there are plenty of horrible stories of perfectly healthy looking fetuses who stop developing at 10 weeks, but I don’t want to think about them)
I’m still sad about little guy not pulling through, but I’m feeling more and more excited about the prospect of just one. I feel this will give us a chance to really enjoy this baby without the stress of two at once. I also know this will give us a better chance of going full term, which I definitely want. Not to mention the fact that now we don’t even need to THINK about a minivan. (I would happily have driven a minivan to have little guy here with us though)
I have purchased my first few maternity items. I thought this was ridiculous, but I honestly cannot button any of my pants, so it truly was a necessity. I got a few pairs of jeans, since jeans were actually the most ill-fitting members of my wardrobe and one pair of black work pants. I will definitely need a lot more, and I even need to find some more work pants pretty quickly, because right now the bella band is getting me through, but I hate wearing it.
I’ve also ordered a Doppler. I know this is crazy at 10 weeks 5 days, and I won’t even try it until I’m a few more weeks along (who are we kidding, of course I’m going to try it, but I honestly won’t freak out if I can’t hear anything yet). My friend bought the same Doppler and used it at 13.5 weeks and heard the heartbeat immediately. The one I bought is very inexpensive, so my expectations are low for it’s quality, but I didn’t want to go too crazy and the reviews on this one were amazing.
I’m also thinking about some type of pregnancy pillow. I’m a stomach sleeper, and it’s starting to feel odd when I lay on my stomach, like there’s a balloon in there or something. I think a pregnancy pillow will give me some side sleeping options.
Oh, how happy I am that the weekend has finally arrived! We’re going out for Mexican tonight, and it actually sounds pretty good (no aversion yet). Fingers crossed that I can actually get there, order and eat while it still sounds good.
So today I’m 10 weeks, 6 days. I literally feel like I’ve been 10 weeks for 3 weeks, but on Sunday, I will finally be 11 weeks. I’m not sure how much help it is to be 11 weeks instead of 10, but I’ll take it. I have had some worrisome times the last couple of days. As much as I try to just have faith that my remaining baby is perfectly fine, growing strong and I’ll actually give birth to a healthy, full-term baby this summer, I do sometimes waver. Surprisingly the death of my smaller twin is not giving me less faith, it’s actually giving me more faith. My doctor spotted the problem with the little guy immediately on the first ultrasound. Despite the strong heartbeat and his almost keeping up with the bigger twin, he said from the beginning that the news would not be good. Since he was able to spot that, I feel more confident that my larger twin will be fine. No one has seen anything to worry about with him/her, so he must be fine. (Please let me live in this blissful ignorance, I’m sure there are plenty of horrible stories of perfectly healthy looking fetuses who stop developing at 10 weeks, but I don’t want to think about them)
I’m still sad about little guy not pulling through, but I’m feeling more and more excited about the prospect of just one. I feel this will give us a chance to really enjoy this baby without the stress of two at once. I also know this will give us a better chance of going full term, which I definitely want. Not to mention the fact that now we don’t even need to THINK about a minivan. (I would happily have driven a minivan to have little guy here with us though)
I have purchased my first few maternity items. I thought this was ridiculous, but I honestly cannot button any of my pants, so it truly was a necessity. I got a few pairs of jeans, since jeans were actually the most ill-fitting members of my wardrobe and one pair of black work pants. I will definitely need a lot more, and I even need to find some more work pants pretty quickly, because right now the bella band is getting me through, but I hate wearing it.
I’ve also ordered a Doppler. I know this is crazy at 10 weeks 5 days, and I won’t even try it until I’m a few more weeks along (who are we kidding, of course I’m going to try it, but I honestly won’t freak out if I can’t hear anything yet). My friend bought the same Doppler and used it at 13.5 weeks and heard the heartbeat immediately. The one I bought is very inexpensive, so my expectations are low for it’s quality, but I didn’t want to go too crazy and the reviews on this one were amazing.
I’m also thinking about some type of pregnancy pillow. I’m a stomach sleeper, and it’s starting to feel odd when I lay on my stomach, like there’s a balloon in there or something. I think a pregnancy pillow will give me some side sleeping options.
Oh, how happy I am that the weekend has finally arrived! We’re going out for Mexican tonight, and it actually sounds pretty good (no aversion yet). Fingers crossed that I can actually get there, order and eat while it still sounds good.
Monday, January 3, 2011
And then, there was one...
My little guy didn’t make it. I went to my first OB appointment and the ultrasound showed one very healthy fetus measuring 10 weeks with a heartbeat of 173 bpm, and one very small fetus/embryo measuring only 8 weeks with no heartbeat. It was sad, but honestly, I think I mourned his loss the first day when the doctor told me he probably wouldn’t make it. I almost felt some closure with the discovery of no heartbeat. We are no longer in limbo wondering how many babies we will have. The other thing that has me relieved is that after researching vanishing twin syndrome (which is what this is), I found that it can be very dangerous for the other baby if it happens later in the pregnancy. The body can try to expel the “material” because it’s much larger. All along my goal was one healthy baby. We obviously wanted both babies once we saw them, but one baby will be easier in many ways. I do really wish I could have banged out a whole family in one fell swoop, but it didn’t happen. I’m still very pregnant with a healthy, squirming, beautiful baby, so I’m dedicated to focusing on that.
Everything else about my OB appointment was surprisingly underwhelming (they treated me like all they see all day long are pregnant women). I did have to wait in the lab for quite a while for the “expert blood girl” to come in and draw my blood from my hand since my good vein has been tapped so many times, anyone less than a complete expert fails to get it to work. My OB’s office is “wallpapered” in pictures of her with newborn babies and moms. This pattern goes on throughout many of the rooms. As I was waiting for the expert blood girl, I was glancing around at these pictures and all of a sudden I began to feel kind of scared. I have spent the last several years concerning myself with getting pregnant. Now that I am pregnant, I have to actually deliver this baby! I don’t know why this didn’t really occur to me before, but it is a little concerning for me now.
My emotional state has been much more accepting of the fact that I’m actually pregnant. I still have times where a couple of hours go by, and I don’t feel my ever-present friend, nausea, and it starts to seem impossible that there is a human being the size of a lime or a prune or whatever, with a beating heart and arms and legs, and maybe even fingernails, attached to my uterus and growing inside me! I have my moments of doubt, and I so wish I had an ultrasound machine at home to peek in on the little one whenever I was having a weak moment, but generally, I’m starting to accept that I may actually be nurturing a real human life in there.
I will have to tell my boss about the pregnancy in the next 2 weeks but that seems crazy to me as well. It is wonderful to me that I’m 10 weeks into this, but it is still so delicate. I don’t really want to come out yet. I have no choice though. My current job is that of an executive assistant/project manager. This type of job lends itself to a fairly close personal relationship with the executive you are supporting. My comings and goings are very obvious to him due to the role I play in his work life. During my fresh cycle in August, he totally guessed what I was doing (he and his wife did IVF 8 years ago, so he knew what to look for), but I wasn’t about to tell him, so I conceded that we were having difficulties conceiving, but we were hoping to avoid IVF (what???). I told him I was having a laparoscopy for endo (this is a true story, but it happened in 2008, I have no idea what I was thinking telling him this). I should never have lied, I should have just told him or found a way to nicely tell him I didn’t want to discuss it, but I was a deer in headlights and the lap story just poured out. In retrospect, it may have been an awkward conversation had I actually become pregnant during that cycle. Anyway, this time, I was able to keep the frozen cycle from him by taking personal time instead of medical time on the day of the transfer, and the ultrasound appointments. This was easier since there was no ambiguity about when this would all occur, I knew the transfer date weeks in advance.
Well, he’s onto me again because after only two doctor’s appointments (one week apart) he asked if these doctor appointments were related to becoming pregnant. I cautiously told him that yes, they were related to that. He then asked me if I would need time off to do fertility treatments and I told him I would know more in the upcoming weeks. I can’t outright lie to him, obviously, but I wasn’t ready to tell him during that conversation. I was only 7 weeks and hadn’t seen the heartbeat yet. It might have been a pointless conversation. Well, I have an infusion next week, an appointment with the high risk specialist (for my “advanced maternal age”…nice) on the 24th and an appointment with the OB on the 26th. He will definitely be wondering what’s going on. I’m thinking it might just be easiest to come clean next week before my infusion appointment. I hate to do it this early, but if something happened to the baby at this stage, I would definitely need some time off, either for a medical procedure or for just emotional time. I can certainly trust him to keep this confidential from other co-workers until I feel more comfortable.
The thing that’s going to give me away is my belly! I don’t know if the growth of the belly will slow since I only have one baby actually growing in there now, but I’m already pushing the limit in all my work pants, and I’m down to only one pair of jeans that I can button, and they were previously too big for me. I love the changing body, it’s so exciting. It’s just another exciting part of this journey. I cannot wait to have a cute little basketball tummy (I’m hoping it goes that route, and not the massive beach ball look).
That's it for now...
Everything else about my OB appointment was surprisingly underwhelming (they treated me like all they see all day long are pregnant women). I did have to wait in the lab for quite a while for the “expert blood girl” to come in and draw my blood from my hand since my good vein has been tapped so many times, anyone less than a complete expert fails to get it to work. My OB’s office is “wallpapered” in pictures of her with newborn babies and moms. This pattern goes on throughout many of the rooms. As I was waiting for the expert blood girl, I was glancing around at these pictures and all of a sudden I began to feel kind of scared. I have spent the last several years concerning myself with getting pregnant. Now that I am pregnant, I have to actually deliver this baby! I don’t know why this didn’t really occur to me before, but it is a little concerning for me now.
My emotional state has been much more accepting of the fact that I’m actually pregnant. I still have times where a couple of hours go by, and I don’t feel my ever-present friend, nausea, and it starts to seem impossible that there is a human being the size of a lime or a prune or whatever, with a beating heart and arms and legs, and maybe even fingernails, attached to my uterus and growing inside me! I have my moments of doubt, and I so wish I had an ultrasound machine at home to peek in on the little one whenever I was having a weak moment, but generally, I’m starting to accept that I may actually be nurturing a real human life in there.
I will have to tell my boss about the pregnancy in the next 2 weeks but that seems crazy to me as well. It is wonderful to me that I’m 10 weeks into this, but it is still so delicate. I don’t really want to come out yet. I have no choice though. My current job is that of an executive assistant/project manager. This type of job lends itself to a fairly close personal relationship with the executive you are supporting. My comings and goings are very obvious to him due to the role I play in his work life. During my fresh cycle in August, he totally guessed what I was doing (he and his wife did IVF 8 years ago, so he knew what to look for), but I wasn’t about to tell him, so I conceded that we were having difficulties conceiving, but we were hoping to avoid IVF (what???). I told him I was having a laparoscopy for endo (this is a true story, but it happened in 2008, I have no idea what I was thinking telling him this). I should never have lied, I should have just told him or found a way to nicely tell him I didn’t want to discuss it, but I was a deer in headlights and the lap story just poured out. In retrospect, it may have been an awkward conversation had I actually become pregnant during that cycle. Anyway, this time, I was able to keep the frozen cycle from him by taking personal time instead of medical time on the day of the transfer, and the ultrasound appointments. This was easier since there was no ambiguity about when this would all occur, I knew the transfer date weeks in advance.
Well, he’s onto me again because after only two doctor’s appointments (one week apart) he asked if these doctor appointments were related to becoming pregnant. I cautiously told him that yes, they were related to that. He then asked me if I would need time off to do fertility treatments and I told him I would know more in the upcoming weeks. I can’t outright lie to him, obviously, but I wasn’t ready to tell him during that conversation. I was only 7 weeks and hadn’t seen the heartbeat yet. It might have been a pointless conversation. Well, I have an infusion next week, an appointment with the high risk specialist (for my “advanced maternal age”…nice) on the 24th and an appointment with the OB on the 26th. He will definitely be wondering what’s going on. I’m thinking it might just be easiest to come clean next week before my infusion appointment. I hate to do it this early, but if something happened to the baby at this stage, I would definitely need some time off, either for a medical procedure or for just emotional time. I can certainly trust him to keep this confidential from other co-workers until I feel more comfortable.
The thing that’s going to give me away is my belly! I don’t know if the growth of the belly will slow since I only have one baby actually growing in there now, but I’m already pushing the limit in all my work pants, and I’m down to only one pair of jeans that I can button, and they were previously too big for me. I love the changing body, it’s so exciting. It’s just another exciting part of this journey. I cannot wait to have a cute little basketball tummy (I’m hoping it goes that route, and not the massive beach ball look).
That's it for now...
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