The word is out...(10 Weeks 6 Days)

I told my boss today about my pregnancy. I just decided I wanted to get it done. I have my infusion next week, so it’s likely it will come out anyway, and I wanted to give him the weekend to process the news. He was really great about it. I knew he would be, but I also know he’s going to stress about my leave, so I was a little worried. If I had been here for a really long time, I wouldn’t worry nearly as much, but I’ve only been here for about 7 months. I didn’t even tell him about IVF, and shockingly, he didn’t ask. I just told him I was pregnant and the immediate expression on his face seemed to be genuine excitement for me. As many people have pointed out after hearing about his questions about my health, he really is nosy and bordering on downright rude, but I do think his intentions are pure. He really likes me, we work well together as a team, and he doesn’t want me to be gone. I can’t help but be a little flattered by that. I feel that an enormous weight has been lifted; I’m just glad it’s out there. I asked him to keep this confidential for another few weeks and he agreed whole-heartedly with the strategy.

So today I’m 10 weeks, 6 days. I literally feel like I’ve been 10 weeks for 3 weeks, but on Sunday, I will finally be 11 weeks. I’m not sure how much help it is to be 11 weeks instead of 10, but I’ll take it. I have had some worrisome times the last couple of days. As much as I try to just have faith that my remaining baby is perfectly fine, growing strong and I’ll actually give birth to a healthy, full-term baby this summer, I do sometimes waver. Surprisingly the death of my smaller twin is not giving me less faith, it’s actually giving me more faith. My doctor spotted the problem with the little guy immediately on the first ultrasound. Despite the strong heartbeat and his almost keeping up with the bigger twin, he said from the beginning that the news would not be good. Since he was able to spot that, I feel more confident that my larger twin will be fine. No one has seen anything to worry about with him/her, so he must be fine. (Please let me live in this blissful ignorance, I’m sure there are plenty of horrible stories of perfectly healthy looking fetuses who stop developing at 10 weeks, but I don’t want to think about them)

I’m still sad about little guy not pulling through, but I’m feeling more and more excited about the prospect of just one. I feel this will give us a chance to really enjoy this baby without the stress of two at once. I also know this will give us a better chance of going full term, which I definitely want. Not to mention the fact that now we don’t even need to THINK about a minivan. (I would happily have driven a minivan to have little guy here with us though)

I have purchased my first few maternity items. I thought this was ridiculous, but I honestly cannot button any of my pants, so it truly was a necessity. I got a few pairs of jeans, since jeans were actually the most ill-fitting members of my wardrobe and one pair of black work pants. I will definitely need a lot more, and I even need to find some more work pants pretty quickly, because right now the bella band is getting me through, but I hate wearing it.

I’ve also ordered a Doppler. I know this is crazy at 10 weeks 5 days, and I won’t even try it until I’m a few more weeks along (who are we kidding, of course I’m going to try it, but I honestly won’t freak out if I can’t hear anything yet). My friend bought the same Doppler and used it at 13.5 weeks and heard the heartbeat immediately. The one I bought is very inexpensive, so my expectations are low for it’s quality, but I didn’t want to go too crazy and the reviews on this one were amazing.

I’m also thinking about some type of pregnancy pillow. I’m a stomach sleeper, and it’s starting to feel odd when I lay on my stomach, like there’s a balloon in there or something. I think a pregnancy pillow will give me some side sleeping options.

Oh, how happy I am that the weekend has finally arrived! We’re going out for Mexican tonight, and it actually sounds pretty good (no aversion yet). Fingers crossed that I can actually get there, order and eat while it still sounds good.