Good News!

The beta number is in……7100!! I was really hoping for a number between 3500-6000, so I am completely shocked at 7100. The nurse also told me that the doctor agreed to do an ultrasound on December 13th which is a week earlier than originally planned. This will allow me to have the ultrasound and then the infusion right afterwards (assuming all is well with the heartbeats).

So tell me why I’m still so scared. I am really trying to be relaxed and enjoy every minute of this pregnancy, but the doubts begin infesting my mind every time I Google ANYTHING related to pregnancy. My best advice to anyone who is an infertility graduate – Stay off the internet. I’m going to try to follow my own advice because I simply cannot keep reading about seemingly perfect pregnancies that end in heartbreaking miscarriages.

I think I will really feel much better if I can see those heartbeats. There is so much evidence that once the fetus has a heartbeat the chance of miscarriage drops significantly. I don’t think that will take away my concerns completely, but I feel like that will help some.

I am feeling even queasier than I was a few days ago. I fully expect this to get worse before it gets better, but I appreciate the reminder that things are happening in there. It is funny how good it makes me feel when I feel bad.

I can always find something to stress about. In between my concerns that the pregnancy will not ultimately produce a viable baby, I stress about my car and daycare costs. We recently traded in our SUV for a cute, sexy little black sedan. This car is awesome for driving around and I love it, but I can’t help but wonder where the heck I’m going to put two carseats in there. (Still thinking this is twins, but we have no confirmation). I think we’re going to have to get a bigger car, I just wish we hadn’t only 6 months ago traded in my perfect SUV!

Then I begin to stress about the daycare. I love the little center that is walking distance from my home, but it closes at 6:30 and I don’t get off work til 5:30 and I have an hour commute. This means that I will either have to change my hours (probably not a big deal) or find a daycare closer to work. There is a great daycare in my building but the cost is almost twice as much. It would be tempting though if it were only one baby because I could literally go see the baby at lunch to nurse and play, and I would be with him/her all the way to and from work each day (not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing for a baby to endure 2 hours in the car each day). Changing jobs is not an option. My insurance costs me only $25/month to cover the whole family, the salary is not bad, and my job is so easy to walk away from each day. No stress once I get home at night unlike my more “important” previous position.

I need to find a “zen” place to rest my body for the next several months. I need to let go of the car concerns. My husband can figure that out. He is good at it and he will make the right decision. The daycare concerns will be sorted out in a few months. It’s simply not worthwhile to worry about this right now. Zen Zen Zen. I wonder if they make a Circle + Bloom series for early pregnancy. That is what I need.