12 Weeks 2 Days And A New OB

What a great day! I went for a first appointment with a new OB this morning (more on that later). I had to insist on an ultrasound claiming that it might be a good idea to check on the status of my “demised” twin (the embryo is supposed to be reabsorbing). I had been very nervous the last few weeks that things might not be going as well because my all-day sickness had all but disappeared for days on end and I just didn’t have that pregnant feeling. Well this ultrasound was so worth it. What a difference a few weeks makes. The little nugget was flopping around in there moving its arms and literally like rolling over. The nurse who was in the room as well even remarked how cute it was to see the baby moving so much. Of course, I then became paranoid that maybe this wasn’t normal, but they quickly told me that it was very healthy behavior.

I just can’t believe there is a tiny human in there. I saw it with my own eyes, but I can hardly believe it. My heart is soaring today with hope and relief. I feel so much better about this pregnancy. We are really getting close to another major milestone. I cannot wait to hit that magic second trimester. The doctor also listened to the heartbeat with the Doppler, which will give me a much better idea of how to locate that heartbeat at home (more on that later too). My husband hasn’t been to an ultrasound since 8 weeks. He is going to absolutely flip next week at our high risk appointment when he sees how different this baby is now.

In other good, yet kind of sad news, we could barely even see little guy. I couldn’t see his sac anywhere, but the doctor finally found it. The teensiest little body was still inside. I don’t know if his body is shrinking or if our live baby has just grown so much that now this little guy looks like an ant in comparison. The doctor said this is what they want to see, so I’m content with that.

So, the reason I had this appointment today is because I decided to consider switching OB’s. I hate to do that because my first OB was very highly regarded by my R.E. and I really liked her when I saw her before getting pregnant, but when I went to my first appointment, I was a little annoyed that I wasn’t getting the “love” I felt at my R.E.’s office. I suppose if I had a long standing relationship with this doctor, it all may have been very different, but since we only moved into town a few months before I started going to the R.E. I had only been to this OB once before this.

I then called one day because I was nervous about my sickness disappearing completely and abruptly (only to come back with a vengeance 3 days later, but I didn’t know this at the time), and her nurse was very dismissive with me. I asked her if there was anything to worry about if my sickness disappeared completely at 11 weeks. She just said “no”, like that was it…I would have liked to hear “every pregnancy is different, but you are coming up on the time that the sickness is going to start diminishing, so no, there is nothing to be concerned about” All she said was “no”. I said something like “Listen bitch (that part was in my head but the rest I actually said) I know you see pregnant women all day every day, but I have been infertile for 11 years, I’ve had countless IUI’s and two IVF’s, I finally got pregnant, but I’ve already lost one of them. You’ll have to understand that I’m a nervous pregnant woman.” Still nothing. I literally had to repeat my question, “so you really think there’s nothing to be concerned about??”. Once again she says “no”, that it!! I think I can do better than this.

On top of that I waited over 90 minutes in the waiting room to see this doctor. I have heard many people say before that it’s the same story everywhere, but I think it is incredibly rude and arrogant to have patients (many of whom have taken time off work) sitting in your waiting room for more than 30 minutes. If my nail salon is running 30 minutes late, they call me, can’t the doctor do something similar? It’s not like I have nothing else to do with my time.

Anyway, I decided to ask a few friends for some referrals and try out at least one other office. So far, I think I’ve decided to switch to the new office. I still would like to have that familiarity and compassion from the R.E.’s office, but I’m guessing that will come as I get to know these people better. I hate being coddled, so I’m not looking for smothering sweetness, but I would like something more than “no” lady. I think I’ll get that here.

In other news, my Doppler arrived! Now, I was terrified to use this thing only to be unable to find the heartbeat and freak out and be nervous about my baby for weeks while I waited for my next appt (originally I wasn’t scheduled to see the OB again until 1/26, but I got to go earlier because of the whole new OB thing). I thought I would start by trying to find my own heartbeat. This was actually much more difficult than I thought it would be. Once I found it, I decided that if I couldn’t find my plum sized baby’s heartbeat after struggling to find my own (when I’m pretty familiar with where it is located), I won’t freak. I poked around for a while in the appropriate area and didn’t find it. I then realized that maybe the reason it was so hard to find my own heartbeat was because I hadn’t used any gel or anything. My unit didn’t come with a sample of gel, but I read in the reviews that lotion works just as well, so I put a little lotion in my heart area and HELLO! There was my heartbeat…much easier to find. I decided to stop right there and not work to find the baby’s heartbeat. It was too stressful already.

NOW, tonight, I’m going to try again. I know the little one’s heart was beating at 160 just this morning. If I can’t find it, it just means that I suck at operating the Doppler, or that the equipment is inferior to the one at the doctor’s office (which I’m quite sure it is). It does NOT mean that anything is wrong with this precious baby. It was also good to see that it even took the doctor a minute to find it (a minute that felt like at least 10 minutes). I was able to note the location though and I think I know what I’m looking for. We’ll see. If it doesn’t work, I’ll try again next week after the high risk doc. I think if I can only try on days when I know everything is fine, I can spare myself the fear that there actually is no heartbeat. Once I’ve found it, I think I’ll be able to find it again when I’m feeling nervous.

I am still having ups and downs for sure, but today, I’m starting to feel like we might actually have a baby here this summer. It’s an amazing feeling. Probably the same feeling fertiles get when they through away their last batch of birth control pills. Oh how different we are and always will be.