I never thought I would feel this way when I was pregnant but the first 6 weeks of parenthood weren't much fun. Of course I was blissful about being a mom and felt so blessed for our wonderful gift. I also had lovable times with B (that's what I'm calling him here, B), but I was also frustrated with the lack of recognition from him and the difficulty determining what was necessary to comfort him. I felt that he was either eating, sleeping or crying. I was ashamed to feel this way and almost felt ready to go back to work.
That all changed the day B turned 7 weeks. All of a sudden we clicked. He stopped crying constantly and when he does cry, 95% of the time he is either hungry or tired. If I can fix one or both of those issues, we usually find our happy boy again. The other major improvement is he has become so much more interactive. We are often rewarded with huge gummy smiles and lots of cooing. He smiled at me intentionally for the first time at 5 weeks 4 days, but those those smiles have become much more frequent and much bigger in the last couple weeks.
I can't get enough of my handsome little one now.
About Me
- 30SomethingDINK
- I am a 30-something FORMER DINK (Double Income, No Kids) who welcomed our first child on August 1st, 2011 following many years of infertility. I am married to a wonderful (though somewhat work-a-holic) husband and daddy. This is my journal to help me stay sane through the trials of infertility, pregnancy and motherhood. We have unexplained infertility. After enduring IVF #1 failure, we miraculously became pregnant from FET #1, and we were overjoyed to welcome our little one August 1st of 2011.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Birth Story - Ridiculously Long
Here is the detailed account of my birth story. I loved this experience, and I also loved reading other people's stories, so I made it as detailed as I could without being completely obnoxious...may be boring if you're not into birth stories.
The days before my due date: I had been feeling some cramps overnight (early morning) for the last several days, but since I’ve never been through this before, I really didn’t know if this meant anything or if I was just feeling the baby moving down or what.
The day before my due date, July 30th: I woke up at around 3:30am with cramping so bad I really couldn’t sleep through it. This was a constant feeling though; it wasn’t “timeable”, so I didn’t know what to make of it other than that things were getting closer. I had read enough books on natural labor over the last couple months to know that many women experienced this in the days/hours before labor began. It didn’t mean anything was going to happen immediately, but I knew at this point, my body was gearing up. It was a Saturday, so my husband and I just went about our normal day. I remember walking around in Lowe’s thinking that these cramps had to mean something. They were pretty intense, but felt just like period cramps. The whole day I kind of waited for something to start, but nothing ever did, so I went to bed that night hoping for things to happen over night.
2:56am, Sunday, July 31st, my due date: I awoke to a feeling that I hadn’t felt before. I’m not even sure I can describe it. It was still a period cramping feeling, but it had a beginning, a middle and an end. The beginning started as a crampy feeling, then it escalated, it stayed at a peak for a few seconds, and then began to subside. It had a quality that reminded me of a muscle cramp or spasm. Although I had never felt a contraction before, and didn’t have any Braxton Hicks contractions in my pregnancy, I knew for sure this was what a contraction was. I tried to sleep a little more because my doula had told me that if you go into labor at night or in the middle of the night, to try to sleep because you have a long road ahead. I did get up and move to the couch though so I wouldn’t wake my husband. I knew I wanted him to be well rested too. I found it really difficult to sleep at all during these contractions. They were certainly manageable, but actually more uncomfortable than I thought they would be this early.
Approx 6:00am: I began to want some company during this process, but I still didn’t want to wake my husband. I was timing these contractions and they were anywhere from 6-20 minutes apart, so I knew that we weren’t really even close to active labor. I needed them to settle into a more predictable pattern before I would get very excited. In fact, in many birth stories, I’ve heard of them starting and then going away until the next day when they are that irregular, so I was not at all sure than we were going to have a baby that day.
Approx 7:00am: My husband woke up and by this time, I was starting to see a more predictable pattern in the labor (6-9 minutes apart lasting 45 or so seconds). I knew I wanted to take a shower, wash and dry my hair and kind of get ready to be gone from the house for a few days. I was also finding them to be uncomfortable and a shower sounded nice. I got into the hot shower and it felt heavenly. I’ve never enjoyed a shower more. Unfortunately, once I got out, the contractions stalled. I was still having them, but they were back to sometimes 20 minutes apart and only 30 seconds. They were also much less intense. I decided to sit on the “birthing ball” for a while. This was amazing. Every time I would get off the ball, I would have a contraction. I don’t know why, but it happened every time. I felt this must be helping, so I kept doing it.
Approx 10:00am: As we sat there through the mid-morning, waiting for things to pick up, we decided that maybe it would be a good idea to go out to breakfast and do some last minute shopping since we knew we would be having guests when we returned. On the way to breakfast, I was still having contractions, and the baby was moving around like crazy. We were able to get an awesome cell phone video of this and I will cherish that forever. It is so funny how differently I feel about seeing my belly move now that I know the little guy who was inside there.
Approx 2:00pm: We returned from our breakfast and shopping, and I contacted the doula again to let her know that things were still happening but had stalled out some. She suggested a nap and a dip in the pool to relax me and maybe the weightlessness would move things along. I tried to nap, but either because of the discomfort or maybe because of the anxiousness about upcoming events, I simply could not get any rest. I did take a dip in the pool and that actually did start to move things along.
Approx 7:00pm: Evening was approaching and things were beginning to pick up again. My husband heated us up some tomato soup and some bread and we ate a light dinner. As the evening wore on, the contractions started to get closer together and much more painful. My doula told me that labor tends to be nocturnal, and she was convinced that the contractions would increase in intensity and really be full force overnight, so she suggested a half glass of wine and a bath to relax me and to try to get some rest.
Approx 10:00pm: I did try to drink a little wine, which I thought would relax me much more since I hadn’t had a drop in 10 months, but it really didn’t do much. The bath seemed to increase the frequency of the contractions and I found myself spending quite a bit of time on all fours in the bathtub, which was not terribly relaxing. I got out of the tub and laid down for a while, but I could tell that it was starting to be “go time” and we were now in active labor. We were now consistently getting contractions about four minutes apart lasting about one minute.
A couple things I want to clarify here for those who have not been in labor. At least for me, there was a lot of ambiguity in this timing. I was never totally sure exactly when a contraction started and ended because I never achieved full relief in between. I knew as it began to intensify and hit its peak, but the exact start and end was similar to the feeling that I had all the time, so I couldn’t be totally sure if they were lasting 60 seconds or 45 seconds or 75 seconds. This was a point of frustration for me since I like to have as little uncertainty as possible in situations like this. In addition, when I look back at my timing, I was not always getting the contractions 4 minutes apart, sometimes it would be 6 minutes, sometimes it would be 3 minutes. As you continue to read my birth story, you will see that my labor wasn’t really normal, so maybe others do have a more clear pattern, and more concise contractions that reveal their true start and end points, but for me, it was somewhat confusing.
Approx 11:30pm: We finally decided that we wanted to go to the hospital. I had heard that the trip to the hospital can be terrible when you’re in labor, so I was anxious to get this out of the way. We were lucky that it was late at night and we didn’t have to contend with traffic through the city. We contacted the doctor to let him know the status, and the doctor on call responded. I was not thrilled that my own doctor wasn’t going to be there, but also realize that they rarely spend much time with the patient anyway. The doctor on call was convinced that we would have the baby before 6am.
Approx 2:30am: We are settled into labor and delivery. They checked my cervix and I was at a 4 and +1 station. This was disappointing to me, but everyone insisted that going from a 1 (my most recent measurement) to a 4 is significant. They started an IV, did blood work, asked me a million questions and officially admitted me. I finished up with all this and put my yoga pants back on and started walking the halls. We contacted our doula to let her know we’d been admitted and she prepared to head over. I have to admit, after walking the halls for about an hour before the doula arrived, I was pretty convinced to just get an epidural. I was really uncomfortable during contractions, I was so tired from being up non-stop since 2:56 the previous morning, and my confidence in myself was really starting to wear thin. My husband and I discussed it and we both agreed that we would wait for the doula to arrive and then explain that we wanted to do the epidural.
Approx 3:00am: My amazing doula arrives…so much for my plan of getting an epidural. She wouldn’t hear of it. I was still in charge of course, but she was emphatic that I was doing this already. I didn’t need to give up now. Initially my heart wasn’t really in it, but she completely encouraged me and I was back walking the halls again and doing all sorts of gymnastic moves to encourage the baby to move down. The doctor on call kept pushing me to get my water broken. I was so scared of this because I knew everything would be more intense after that, and I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. I did want things to move forward though, so I held off, but told them I would consider it. I was offered a narcotic pain killer to help me rest a little while and I agreed to that. At this stage of labor, this was a great plan. As soon as they put that in my IV, I was asleep and I slept for about an hour through what now felt like bad period cramps. Right at that hour mark though, it wore off and I needed to be out of that bed and moving around again. I was grateful for the rest though, and felt somewhat revitalized.
Approx 6:00am: They checked my cervix and after all these hours I had only progressed to a 5 and still +1 station! I was completely frustrated. I agreed to have my water broken. This definitely made things more intense. My doula had me doing all sorts of things to help labor progress such as straddling the toilet backwards and laboring that way. I found this so uncomfortable I was trembling and started to feel nauseas. I kept doing it though because my doula told me that once the water is broken, things can move very quickly. My contractions began to come one on top of the other. I would get maybe 20-30 seconds of relief. Although I was reaching my breaking point on the pain, I kept telling myself that I was probably getting close to transition. I started to feel excited that maybe I would actually do this naturally. I never truly believed I could.
Approx 8:00am: They checked my cervix again and I was a 6, still +1 station. I was crushed. I didn’t think I could keep doing this if this was what it took to get me to a 6. The doula kept telling me the contractions wouldn’t probably get any worse, they would just come more quickly, and that I could move from a 6 to a 10 in a matter of 30 minutes. I wasn’t sure I could deal with this much longer no matter what. I decided that getting into the shower might ease some of the discomfort since it had worked so well for me the previous morning. I was starting to also get nervous because my doula had to teach a class at the hospital from 10-11:30am, so she would have to call in a backup to be with me if I didn’t have the baby by 9:45 or so. She was still convinced that we were really close, so we persevered. The shower was helpful, but not enough that I could really get much relief. I got out after about 20 minutes. I began to hang on my husband and allow him to support my weight. I sat on the birthing ball, I was doing everything I could to just get these contractions to be effective. Good news, my OB was now here, so he would be the one to deliver me.
Approx 10:30am: My doula had left for her class and the backup doula was here. Unfortunately, there is no suitable replacement for the powerhouse doula that I hired. The backup doula was nice, but she wasn’t giving me that strength that mine did. I was beginning to feel that I was going to just collapse. I couldn’t continue to feel like this. I didn’t really want a natural childbirth that badly, I just wanted to try. I was not opposed to modern medicine, but just wanted to experience labor in its raw form. I was having contractions one on top of the other and just didn’t think I could go on. The backup doula suggested that I get checked again. I know she was hoping that I would be complete and ready to push and that would re-invigorate me. I agreed. Guess what…I was still at a 6, and my OB actually said that I was at zero station, so the baby either moved back up, or he was more conservative in his measurement (he said +1 station was generous). I could not believe this. I had gone through what I thought was the worst thing I could handle and I hadn’t even progressed one centimeter. It was over. I wanted the epidural. I looked up at my husband and literally begged him to make it stop. I needed someone to relieve me. I didn’t want any more narcotic pain medication, I needed real relief. I was scared of a needle in my back, but I knew I needed to have it.
Approx 11:00am: Anesthesia was in the room, placing my epidural. I was so impressed with how quickly it took effect. One minute the anesthesiologist was asking me which side of my spine I could feel his needle, and the next minute I complained of an “achy feeling” below the epidural. It had literally only been in place for 30-60 seconds, and that achy feeling was actually the last pain I would feel. That was the contraction that came right after it was placed. The pain was dulled significantly. By the time the next contraction came, I couldn’t feel a thing.
Approx 12:00pm, my husband and I were both snoozing, trying to get rested for the pushing that was sure to be in our near future. Pitocin was started to move things along. I start to get horrible heartburn. I requested something for it, and since it takes a while for medicine to come, I also requested something fizzy to drink, thinking this might help. I’m wrong, and I end up throwing up three times. Disgusting…
Approx 1:00pm: Cervix check…7cm, zero station. The baby is sunny-side-up, which will definitely create a more difficult pushing scenario. My OB tries to move his head by reaching up inside me. Once again I am thankful for my awesome epidural. This little procedure would have been much more uncomfortable without it. He doesn’t feel that he is making much progress moving his head, but continues to try. We begin to talk about the fact that I will need to progress more quickly or we could need a c-section. This terrifies me, but there’s nothing I can do, so I just wait. We increase the pitocin
Approx 2:00pm: Cervix check…8cm, zero station. Increase the Pitocin again.
Approx 3:00pm: Cervix check…8cm, zero station. My OB tells me that he’s giving me an hour to progress before we need to start thinking seriously about a c-section. My water was broken at 6am, I was starting to run a bit of a low grade fever and baby wasn’t moving down at all. The OB was thinking that the baby was lodged in the birth canal in an unusual position and my pelvis wasn’t allowing him through. Increase the Pitocin a final time. We are now at the max dose that is safe.
Approx 4:00pm: Cervix check…8cm, zero station. C-section time. I’m scared to death. I never thought we would get to this point, NEVER. I have been in labor for 37 hours, I’ve been in active labor for at least 17 hours. The anesthesiologist comes back to top off my epidural and they prep me for the c-section.
Approx 4:30pm: We are in the operating room. I am so out of it on the drugs that all I want to do is sleep. I struggle to keep my eyes open, and I’m feeling so weird and loopy. I’m just wanting this to be over so I can rest.
Approx 4:40pm: I am told they are cutting me open. Apparently at this point the OB announces there is meconium in the uterus (this was not present when my water was broken). My husband tells me that everyone starts rushing around and NICU is called in. I am so out of it that I don’t remember a thing about this.
4:49pm, August 1st: I feel lots of tugging, and hear a tiny cry (immediately, thank goodness, he didn’t make me wait at all). My little angel takes his first breath. I begin to cry, my husband even sheds a few tears and we hold our foreheads together marveling that this is actually happening to us. I still found it surreal that a human being was just pulled from my uterus. My husband heads over to see what is going on with the baby, and I lay there, still just wishing I could close my eyes. I am so loopy that the room is spinning. My husband brings my beautiful little bundle over to meet me and he is just adorable. Little squinty blue eyes, and a head FULL of hair. He looks nothing like I thought he would, but I didn’t really know what I thought he would look like. I couldn’t hold him yet, but I didn’t even want to. I knew I was too drugged up to be trusted with this precious little package.
Sometime after 5pm August 1st: I am taken to recovery where I will spend the next 11 hours. Yes, that’s right, 11 more hours. Recovery is normally a 1 hour stop. I was kept there because my blood pressure was so low (80/40 average) and my heartrate was so high (150-200) that they needed me to stabilize before sending me up to the post-partum floor. It only felt like I was in recovery for 2-3 hours. It wasn’t until around midnight that they informed me that my heartrate was escalating dangerously each time the baby cried and I needed to try to relax. I didn’t even know my condition was so serious. I suppose I’m glad I didn’t because I would have been more stressed. Evidently I lost a lot of blood in the c-section, twice as much as normal, and on top of my long labor, the trauma to my body was taking its toll. I do remember being really scared to hold the baby, because I didn’t feel I could keep from dropping him. I also couldn’t sit up in bed, because I felt too faint. Gradually, very gradually, I began to feel better. I was able to wiggle my toes, the room didn’t spin and turn black when they raised my bed up, and I could really spend time admiring my most wonderful accomplishment…my newborn little son. Finally at about 4am, we were transferred up to post-partum in much better health.
That’s it…that’s the story. If I had it to do over again, I would do it exactly the same way (hopefully avoiding the scary parts after the c-section). I am extremely happy with the decisions we made in labor. I experienced everything I wanted to experience, and bonded deeply with my husband and baby in the process. The hospital we used was fantastic. My husband and I both look back on our stay as almost a mini-vacation. We loved it, and had a wonderful time, and can’t think of a better way to welcome our little miracle into the world.
The days before my due date: I had been feeling some cramps overnight (early morning) for the last several days, but since I’ve never been through this before, I really didn’t know if this meant anything or if I was just feeling the baby moving down or what.
The day before my due date, July 30th: I woke up at around 3:30am with cramping so bad I really couldn’t sleep through it. This was a constant feeling though; it wasn’t “timeable”, so I didn’t know what to make of it other than that things were getting closer. I had read enough books on natural labor over the last couple months to know that many women experienced this in the days/hours before labor began. It didn’t mean anything was going to happen immediately, but I knew at this point, my body was gearing up. It was a Saturday, so my husband and I just went about our normal day. I remember walking around in Lowe’s thinking that these cramps had to mean something. They were pretty intense, but felt just like period cramps. The whole day I kind of waited for something to start, but nothing ever did, so I went to bed that night hoping for things to happen over night.
2:56am, Sunday, July 31st, my due date: I awoke to a feeling that I hadn’t felt before. I’m not even sure I can describe it. It was still a period cramping feeling, but it had a beginning, a middle and an end. The beginning started as a crampy feeling, then it escalated, it stayed at a peak for a few seconds, and then began to subside. It had a quality that reminded me of a muscle cramp or spasm. Although I had never felt a contraction before, and didn’t have any Braxton Hicks contractions in my pregnancy, I knew for sure this was what a contraction was. I tried to sleep a little more because my doula had told me that if you go into labor at night or in the middle of the night, to try to sleep because you have a long road ahead. I did get up and move to the couch though so I wouldn’t wake my husband. I knew I wanted him to be well rested too. I found it really difficult to sleep at all during these contractions. They were certainly manageable, but actually more uncomfortable than I thought they would be this early.
Approx 6:00am: I began to want some company during this process, but I still didn’t want to wake my husband. I was timing these contractions and they were anywhere from 6-20 minutes apart, so I knew that we weren’t really even close to active labor. I needed them to settle into a more predictable pattern before I would get very excited. In fact, in many birth stories, I’ve heard of them starting and then going away until the next day when they are that irregular, so I was not at all sure than we were going to have a baby that day.
Approx 7:00am: My husband woke up and by this time, I was starting to see a more predictable pattern in the labor (6-9 minutes apart lasting 45 or so seconds). I knew I wanted to take a shower, wash and dry my hair and kind of get ready to be gone from the house for a few days. I was also finding them to be uncomfortable and a shower sounded nice. I got into the hot shower and it felt heavenly. I’ve never enjoyed a shower more. Unfortunately, once I got out, the contractions stalled. I was still having them, but they were back to sometimes 20 minutes apart and only 30 seconds. They were also much less intense. I decided to sit on the “birthing ball” for a while. This was amazing. Every time I would get off the ball, I would have a contraction. I don’t know why, but it happened every time. I felt this must be helping, so I kept doing it.
Approx 10:00am: As we sat there through the mid-morning, waiting for things to pick up, we decided that maybe it would be a good idea to go out to breakfast and do some last minute shopping since we knew we would be having guests when we returned. On the way to breakfast, I was still having contractions, and the baby was moving around like crazy. We were able to get an awesome cell phone video of this and I will cherish that forever. It is so funny how differently I feel about seeing my belly move now that I know the little guy who was inside there.
Approx 2:00pm: We returned from our breakfast and shopping, and I contacted the doula again to let her know that things were still happening but had stalled out some. She suggested a nap and a dip in the pool to relax me and maybe the weightlessness would move things along. I tried to nap, but either because of the discomfort or maybe because of the anxiousness about upcoming events, I simply could not get any rest. I did take a dip in the pool and that actually did start to move things along.
Approx 7:00pm: Evening was approaching and things were beginning to pick up again. My husband heated us up some tomato soup and some bread and we ate a light dinner. As the evening wore on, the contractions started to get closer together and much more painful. My doula told me that labor tends to be nocturnal, and she was convinced that the contractions would increase in intensity and really be full force overnight, so she suggested a half glass of wine and a bath to relax me and to try to get some rest.
Approx 10:00pm: I did try to drink a little wine, which I thought would relax me much more since I hadn’t had a drop in 10 months, but it really didn’t do much. The bath seemed to increase the frequency of the contractions and I found myself spending quite a bit of time on all fours in the bathtub, which was not terribly relaxing. I got out of the tub and laid down for a while, but I could tell that it was starting to be “go time” and we were now in active labor. We were now consistently getting contractions about four minutes apart lasting about one minute.
A couple things I want to clarify here for those who have not been in labor. At least for me, there was a lot of ambiguity in this timing. I was never totally sure exactly when a contraction started and ended because I never achieved full relief in between. I knew as it began to intensify and hit its peak, but the exact start and end was similar to the feeling that I had all the time, so I couldn’t be totally sure if they were lasting 60 seconds or 45 seconds or 75 seconds. This was a point of frustration for me since I like to have as little uncertainty as possible in situations like this. In addition, when I look back at my timing, I was not always getting the contractions 4 minutes apart, sometimes it would be 6 minutes, sometimes it would be 3 minutes. As you continue to read my birth story, you will see that my labor wasn’t really normal, so maybe others do have a more clear pattern, and more concise contractions that reveal their true start and end points, but for me, it was somewhat confusing.
Approx 11:30pm: We finally decided that we wanted to go to the hospital. I had heard that the trip to the hospital can be terrible when you’re in labor, so I was anxious to get this out of the way. We were lucky that it was late at night and we didn’t have to contend with traffic through the city. We contacted the doctor to let him know the status, and the doctor on call responded. I was not thrilled that my own doctor wasn’t going to be there, but also realize that they rarely spend much time with the patient anyway. The doctor on call was convinced that we would have the baby before 6am.
Approx 2:30am: We are settled into labor and delivery. They checked my cervix and I was at a 4 and +1 station. This was disappointing to me, but everyone insisted that going from a 1 (my most recent measurement) to a 4 is significant. They started an IV, did blood work, asked me a million questions and officially admitted me. I finished up with all this and put my yoga pants back on and started walking the halls. We contacted our doula to let her know we’d been admitted and she prepared to head over. I have to admit, after walking the halls for about an hour before the doula arrived, I was pretty convinced to just get an epidural. I was really uncomfortable during contractions, I was so tired from being up non-stop since 2:56 the previous morning, and my confidence in myself was really starting to wear thin. My husband and I discussed it and we both agreed that we would wait for the doula to arrive and then explain that we wanted to do the epidural.
Approx 3:00am: My amazing doula arrives…so much for my plan of getting an epidural. She wouldn’t hear of it. I was still in charge of course, but she was emphatic that I was doing this already. I didn’t need to give up now. Initially my heart wasn’t really in it, but she completely encouraged me and I was back walking the halls again and doing all sorts of gymnastic moves to encourage the baby to move down. The doctor on call kept pushing me to get my water broken. I was so scared of this because I knew everything would be more intense after that, and I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. I did want things to move forward though, so I held off, but told them I would consider it. I was offered a narcotic pain killer to help me rest a little while and I agreed to that. At this stage of labor, this was a great plan. As soon as they put that in my IV, I was asleep and I slept for about an hour through what now felt like bad period cramps. Right at that hour mark though, it wore off and I needed to be out of that bed and moving around again. I was grateful for the rest though, and felt somewhat revitalized.
Approx 6:00am: They checked my cervix and after all these hours I had only progressed to a 5 and still +1 station! I was completely frustrated. I agreed to have my water broken. This definitely made things more intense. My doula had me doing all sorts of things to help labor progress such as straddling the toilet backwards and laboring that way. I found this so uncomfortable I was trembling and started to feel nauseas. I kept doing it though because my doula told me that once the water is broken, things can move very quickly. My contractions began to come one on top of the other. I would get maybe 20-30 seconds of relief. Although I was reaching my breaking point on the pain, I kept telling myself that I was probably getting close to transition. I started to feel excited that maybe I would actually do this naturally. I never truly believed I could.
Approx 8:00am: They checked my cervix again and I was a 6, still +1 station. I was crushed. I didn’t think I could keep doing this if this was what it took to get me to a 6. The doula kept telling me the contractions wouldn’t probably get any worse, they would just come more quickly, and that I could move from a 6 to a 10 in a matter of 30 minutes. I wasn’t sure I could deal with this much longer no matter what. I decided that getting into the shower might ease some of the discomfort since it had worked so well for me the previous morning. I was starting to also get nervous because my doula had to teach a class at the hospital from 10-11:30am, so she would have to call in a backup to be with me if I didn’t have the baby by 9:45 or so. She was still convinced that we were really close, so we persevered. The shower was helpful, but not enough that I could really get much relief. I got out after about 20 minutes. I began to hang on my husband and allow him to support my weight. I sat on the birthing ball, I was doing everything I could to just get these contractions to be effective. Good news, my OB was now here, so he would be the one to deliver me.
Approx 10:30am: My doula had left for her class and the backup doula was here. Unfortunately, there is no suitable replacement for the powerhouse doula that I hired. The backup doula was nice, but she wasn’t giving me that strength that mine did. I was beginning to feel that I was going to just collapse. I couldn’t continue to feel like this. I didn’t really want a natural childbirth that badly, I just wanted to try. I was not opposed to modern medicine, but just wanted to experience labor in its raw form. I was having contractions one on top of the other and just didn’t think I could go on. The backup doula suggested that I get checked again. I know she was hoping that I would be complete and ready to push and that would re-invigorate me. I agreed. Guess what…I was still at a 6, and my OB actually said that I was at zero station, so the baby either moved back up, or he was more conservative in his measurement (he said +1 station was generous). I could not believe this. I had gone through what I thought was the worst thing I could handle and I hadn’t even progressed one centimeter. It was over. I wanted the epidural. I looked up at my husband and literally begged him to make it stop. I needed someone to relieve me. I didn’t want any more narcotic pain medication, I needed real relief. I was scared of a needle in my back, but I knew I needed to have it.
Approx 11:00am: Anesthesia was in the room, placing my epidural. I was so impressed with how quickly it took effect. One minute the anesthesiologist was asking me which side of my spine I could feel his needle, and the next minute I complained of an “achy feeling” below the epidural. It had literally only been in place for 30-60 seconds, and that achy feeling was actually the last pain I would feel. That was the contraction that came right after it was placed. The pain was dulled significantly. By the time the next contraction came, I couldn’t feel a thing.
Approx 12:00pm, my husband and I were both snoozing, trying to get rested for the pushing that was sure to be in our near future. Pitocin was started to move things along. I start to get horrible heartburn. I requested something for it, and since it takes a while for medicine to come, I also requested something fizzy to drink, thinking this might help. I’m wrong, and I end up throwing up three times. Disgusting…
Approx 1:00pm: Cervix check…7cm, zero station. The baby is sunny-side-up, which will definitely create a more difficult pushing scenario. My OB tries to move his head by reaching up inside me. Once again I am thankful for my awesome epidural. This little procedure would have been much more uncomfortable without it. He doesn’t feel that he is making much progress moving his head, but continues to try. We begin to talk about the fact that I will need to progress more quickly or we could need a c-section. This terrifies me, but there’s nothing I can do, so I just wait. We increase the pitocin
Approx 2:00pm: Cervix check…8cm, zero station. Increase the Pitocin again.
Approx 3:00pm: Cervix check…8cm, zero station. My OB tells me that he’s giving me an hour to progress before we need to start thinking seriously about a c-section. My water was broken at 6am, I was starting to run a bit of a low grade fever and baby wasn’t moving down at all. The OB was thinking that the baby was lodged in the birth canal in an unusual position and my pelvis wasn’t allowing him through. Increase the Pitocin a final time. We are now at the max dose that is safe.
Approx 4:00pm: Cervix check…8cm, zero station. C-section time. I’m scared to death. I never thought we would get to this point, NEVER. I have been in labor for 37 hours, I’ve been in active labor for at least 17 hours. The anesthesiologist comes back to top off my epidural and they prep me for the c-section.
Approx 4:30pm: We are in the operating room. I am so out of it on the drugs that all I want to do is sleep. I struggle to keep my eyes open, and I’m feeling so weird and loopy. I’m just wanting this to be over so I can rest.
Approx 4:40pm: I am told they are cutting me open. Apparently at this point the OB announces there is meconium in the uterus (this was not present when my water was broken). My husband tells me that everyone starts rushing around and NICU is called in. I am so out of it that I don’t remember a thing about this.
4:49pm, August 1st: I feel lots of tugging, and hear a tiny cry (immediately, thank goodness, he didn’t make me wait at all). My little angel takes his first breath. I begin to cry, my husband even sheds a few tears and we hold our foreheads together marveling that this is actually happening to us. I still found it surreal that a human being was just pulled from my uterus. My husband heads over to see what is going on with the baby, and I lay there, still just wishing I could close my eyes. I am so loopy that the room is spinning. My husband brings my beautiful little bundle over to meet me and he is just adorable. Little squinty blue eyes, and a head FULL of hair. He looks nothing like I thought he would, but I didn’t really know what I thought he would look like. I couldn’t hold him yet, but I didn’t even want to. I knew I was too drugged up to be trusted with this precious little package.
Sometime after 5pm August 1st: I am taken to recovery where I will spend the next 11 hours. Yes, that’s right, 11 more hours. Recovery is normally a 1 hour stop. I was kept there because my blood pressure was so low (80/40 average) and my heartrate was so high (150-200) that they needed me to stabilize before sending me up to the post-partum floor. It only felt like I was in recovery for 2-3 hours. It wasn’t until around midnight that they informed me that my heartrate was escalating dangerously each time the baby cried and I needed to try to relax. I didn’t even know my condition was so serious. I suppose I’m glad I didn’t because I would have been more stressed. Evidently I lost a lot of blood in the c-section, twice as much as normal, and on top of my long labor, the trauma to my body was taking its toll. I do remember being really scared to hold the baby, because I didn’t feel I could keep from dropping him. I also couldn’t sit up in bed, because I felt too faint. Gradually, very gradually, I began to feel better. I was able to wiggle my toes, the room didn’t spin and turn black when they raised my bed up, and I could really spend time admiring my most wonderful accomplishment…my newborn little son. Finally at about 4am, we were transferred up to post-partum in much better health.
That’s it…that’s the story. If I had it to do over again, I would do it exactly the same way (hopefully avoiding the scary parts after the c-section). I am extremely happy with the decisions we made in labor. I experienced everything I wanted to experience, and bonded deeply with my husband and baby in the process. The hospital we used was fantastic. My husband and I both look back on our stay as almost a mini-vacation. We loved it, and had a wonderful time, and can’t think of a better way to welcome our little miracle into the world.
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