10DPIUI....BFN

So today, I went ahead and tested.  I had my IUI 10 days ago and since I got my first BFP after my IVF 5 days past my 5 day transfer or the equivalent of 10DPO, I figured it would be a good time to try.  Even though it might have been a tad early, I still feel pretty sure that I’m out this month and I’m ok with that.  I felt it would have been a long shot for it to have worked this month anyway.  That being said, I should still mark down the following symptoms because I was either off my rocker with these feelings or something about this cycle had me getting symptoms and I want to remember that these symptoms do not indicate a pregnancy…necessarily.

1dpiui – queasy in the evening (I had eaten a big lunch and sort of felt gross from it)

2dpiui – again queasy in the evening, same big lunch problem

3dpiui – nothing, peeing a little more, hungrier, but nothing special, no sore boobs

4dpiui – nothing, same as yesterday, peeing, hungry, no sore boobs

5dpiui – nothing, no sore boobs

6dpiui – small cramping, wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn’t been hyper alert

7dpiui – small cramping again, VERY tired, but nothing that out of the ordinary really

8dpiui – nothing…still no sore boobs and every cycle before I got pregnant I would have sore boobs after O, starting to get nervous about that.

9dpiui – queasy off and on all day, but still no sore boobs

10dpiui – test BFN, no real symptoms

I have always believed that the symptoms that people feel before possible implantation are either completely unrelated or are a result of the increased progesterone (i.e. sore breasts).  I think almost everything even after implantation but prior to AF being due is probably less related to an actual pregnancy than it is due to the hormonal changes that occur cyclically each month.  However, I have never seen, in my own experience, queasiness in a non-pregnancy cycle.  Of course, my mind could be playing tricks, I could be suffering from some digestive issues, or possibly the letrozole or pre-natals or even the baby aspirin could be causing some discomfort.  Either way, I will remember from now on that even queasiness doesn’t indicate a pregnancy. 

I am actually very comfortable with the BFN and the idea of trying again.  (It helps that my inlaws are coming next weekend and now I can drink wine while they are here.)  

I do wish I didn’t have to attend so many appointments and get everyone at work all interested in what’s going on in my personal life again (and probably have to lie about what I’m actually doing), but I have come to the conclusion that I absolutely love the process of going through the treatments.  Yes, it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, expensive for some, but there is a weird excitement that goes along with it that I find IN-toxicating.  I felt this way especially with my fresh IVF cycle.  I felt like my R.E.’s entire office was kind of revolving around me as I approached trigger day. I was a famous person there.  Everyone knew that I was the next retrieval.  This is a private, one-doctor practice, but it is by no means small.  It is located at Baylor Hospital in downtown Dallas, so my guess is the staff makes me FEEL as though I’m the only patient, but they really have more than just me approaching a retrieval.  Anyway, I’m actually kind of sad that we don’t plan to take this as far as IVF again, because a part of me would cherish another experience like that.  Don’t misunderstand…I do not enjoy the emotional desperation that we IF-ers endure during an IVF cycle.  It is not the easiest thing to explain, but to be clear, I wouldn’t wish infertility on anyone.  I just find a strange pleasure in the sterile/scientific/medical part of the process.

So now we have to make a decision…do we participate in another cycle with the oral medication or ask to move on to the bigger “superovulation” with injectibles.  I am sort of leaning towards injectibles since I didn’t feel the letrozole jump-started me enough to even get sore boobs this cycle.  I just feel my chances are pretty slim with that.  I don’t mind taking another month to see how it goes, but all the appointments and work missed would be better investments on an injectable cycle I think.