More Sleep Trouble

Probably as a punishment for writing about my “successful” sleep training experience, we’ve been struck with sleep troubles the last four days. Following a full week of perfect sleeping through the night, on Friday morning I woke up at 4am to a very unhappy baby crying. Now he has been struggling with a brutal cold the last several days, and I was actually stunned that he had done so well sleeping, so I wasn’t totally surprised that he was up, but it is frustrating that we had not had much time to practice the great habits we had just re-learned. Here’s how it went down... On Friday when he woke up, he was so stuffy he could barely breathe through his nose, and he was coughing so much that he couldn’t relax. I felt bad for him, so when replacing his paci and rolling him over like usual didn’t work, I went ahead and got him up. I was getting ready for work and he was just chattering away, but at about 5:00 he was looking pretty tired, so I put him back in bed (by the time I got him to his room he was nearly asleep in my arms), and he slept until 6:15.

Both Saturday and Sunday mornings had similar problems…up at 4ish and not able to get back to sleep for an hour or so. This morning, I was really hoping to try to break this cycle, so when he woke up, I tried really hard just to get him back to sleep. He sounded much better than the previous three mornings (he seemed able to breathe through his nose much better), and I was successful after only about 30 minutes of rocking, but he woke up again at about 5:10 which is a full hour before he should be getting up.

I am kind of at a loss. I think we’re going to have to CIO again after he recovers. I am incredibly hopeful that once his cold/cough/ear infection all clear, he will automatically begin sleeping better again, but in the past that has not been my experience with our sleep challenged little bundle.

On an unrelated note…my period returned (2 weeks and 2 days after my last pump session)! And we had a meeting with the fertility specialist! More on all that later.

STTN Part II

We are still experiencing difficulties with sleep, so this is not a cure-all. I can say that things have dramatically improved, but we are not yet done “sleep training” or maybe I should call it “nighttime parenting” as a reminder that babies aren’t robots that methodically lay down at a certain time each night for their recharge and don’t budge til morning. With all that being said, I will describe what has happened over the last several weeks and what has been working, and certainly improving our situation.

The very first night of CIO, I went ahead with the bedtime routine as we had done before. I made sure he had a full tummy by giving him his bottle in his highchair before changing into pj’s. After book and rocking (until I saw long blinks), I placed him in his crib, kissed him goodnight and left the room. He then cried for 22 minutes. When I say he cried, I mean he screamed. A very angry, upsetting cry. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity (yet was only 22 min), he settled down and went to sleep. When he woke in the middle of the night I went to him like normal, soothed him back to sleep. He woke twice the first night. The next morning, he was the same happy kid I knew before I made him cry.

The second night, I did everything the same, but he only cried for 13 minutes. The third night, he only cried for 1 minute. After that, each night he has either cried for no time at all or for a short time (less than 2 minutes). Unfortunately, each night he was still waking up twice, despite all the books saying that allowing him to CIO at bedtime will help him learn to self-soothe, I think our little one had such a strong habit of waking at those times in the night that it couldn’t be solved without further intervention. I knew we would have to embark on CIO for middle of the night wakings.

I actually did CIO for a middle of the night waking the first time out of frustration (which is something I’m trying to avoid as a parent…doing anything out of frustration, but I failed on this occasion). I had gone to him in the middle of the night (around 4am) to soothe him back to sleep. I got him asleep in my arms and went to put him into the crib and he started crying (the angry cry). I picked him back up and soothed him until he was asleep again and tried to put him in the crib…once again, he started crying the angry cry. I repeated this until the 4th time I put him in the crib, I had reached my limit. I decided right now we will cry it out for a MOTN (middle of the night) waking. Well, he cried/fussed/got quiet/cried again/etc for 45+ minutes. It was difficult, but I didn’t go to him (still not as hard as the angry cry at bedtime). Finally, he soothed himself back to sleep. When I woke him up for the day about an hour later, he was (again) that happy baby that I knew. He didn’t seem frustrated, distant, less loving or anything…he seemed just like the boy I knew before CIO.

After that impromptu CIO for MOTN waking, he seemed to kind of “get it”. The majority of MOTN wakings since then have required only a paci replacement and a roll onto his side. I have gotten to the point where I will let him work it out for a while before I go to him, but I also want to avoid him getting too wound up and increasing the crying time (because he’s no longer sleepy enough to accept a paci replacement and a roll onto his side). I would estimate that for several weeks, 50% of the time, I didn’t have to get out of bed at all, because he was learning to find his paci and roll onto his side himself. 50% of the time I still had to go to him and help him get in position. Even at this point, I rarely had to actually pick him up out of the crib.

We have had several hiccups along the way. Most notably was a recent bout with a high fever and lots of miserable, seemingly painful screaming which (of course) we attended to. However, once he recovered (after about 3 days) we had to basically CIO at bedtime all over again. The first night was very long 38 minutes plus a MOTN wake up that required an almost 2 hour CIO session. It wasn’t all crying of course, I never could have made it that long, but he would get very quiet, maybe even fall asleep for a few minutes, then wake again, fuss, toss and turn, then cry, then get quiet again, etc. The second night was 17 min, third night was 8 min, 4th night was no crying at all.

I don’t know if all babies have a tendency to fall back into bad habits easily or if it is just that we had created such a needy baby from coddling him so much for so long. I am hopeful that as we get more CIO time under our belt, his “re-training” won’t take as long.

After this most recent round of re-training, we are having a lot of STTN success. In the last 2 weeks, I have probably only had to get out of bed to assist him 2-3 times (and those times were quick, I didn’t even remove him from the crib). He will wake up and fuss a little, but he has been able to work things out on his own.

I am extremely pleased with the progress. It has been very hard, and at times has made me wonder if I’m doing the right thing (like during the 2 hour CIO in the MOTN). Most of the time though I feel like I AM doing the right thing. I am enabling him to get the sleep that he desperately needs. Nothing is easy about this method. I personally think it’s probably best to try other methods before resorting to this (but I am not trying to make judgments about other people’s parenting decisions on this topic. You have to do what you feel is best for your situation). The best part about this method is you do see improvement quickly. I am a believer, but I’m not sure I would do this any sooner with a second child. I needed to feel confident that my baby didn’t require a MOTN feeding. I also needed to feel confident that he was ready for this sort of training. I also needed to know that his wake-ups were excessive and not likely necessary. None of these things would have been so clear if I had done this earlier.

There it is...my CIO experience. I'm quite sure we aren't done yet. I know there will be many other nights of exceptions, leading to more re-training. There will be illnesses, breaks in routine, travel, etc that will all potentially cause the need for retraining. In fact, I've heard from parents of "sleep-challenged" babies that they have fought this through the toddler years as well. I have also heard the opposite though, that the consistency of this and the ability to self soothe created an environment that allowed children to "cure" their sleep challenges. I'm hoping for the latter, but sort of assuming we will continue to have challenges. At least now we have a game plan.

STTN

STTN Part I: I’m going to structure this post into two parts because otherwise it just gets too long. Part I is below:


Yes, that’s right, you read STTN, which stands for Sleep Thru The Night. The reason I’ve titled this post that way is because my little family has been STTN off and on for the last couple of weeks. Now, this has not been without hiccups along the way, including some notable hiccups even last night and the night before that, but we are a hundred miles ahead of where we were when I last spoke of sleep.

The turning point for us…tough love. We had to do a little crying it out. (or a lot of crying it out, but generally not a lot at one time) I was so against this and I really wanted to achieve the goal of generally good sleep without leaving my little miracle baby in his crib alone in the dark with a tear stained face. In the end, I think those couple of days of “torture” are giving him the ability to sleep on his own which allows him to rest so much more effectively. I read “The No Cry Sleep Solution” and multiple other articles/books that advocated a more “gentle, nurturing” approach. I don’t doubt those tips will help and I think for many babies that’s probably all that has to happen. My baby was either too far gone with his bad habits or he has an exceptionally hard time with sleep that puts him in a different class.

So here is what we did. I must have read 4-5 sleep books, but realized I was only further confusing myself with each additional book. Initially I thought the best route was to pick one book and stick to it, but I actually combined advice from two main books and I added a little of my own instinct in there for good measure.

Step 1: Before I let him cry for one second, we did a few things to lay the groundwork.

1. We developed a bedtime routine and a consistent bedtime and we stuck with it.

2. I stopped middle of the night feedings (it has been clear for several months that he’s not actually hungry when he wakes up, he just wanted comfort, and nursing is very comforting). I would still comfort him, rock him, bounce him etc back to sleep, but I wouldn’t use a bottle. I suppose if I could not comfort him any other way, I might have concluded he was hungry, particularly if it had been many hours since his last feeding, but this didn’t happen, so we just went with middle of the night comforting.

3. I made sure his bedtime was early enough. I settled on 7:30pm, but that is flexible by about 15 minutes either direction.

4. I strived to make sure his naps were appropriate in length and that his awake time was not too long.


This part seems like it might have given us some improvement all on its own, but not for our little anti-sleeper. I readied myself to have him CIO…See Part II for how that went. (hopefully I'll have that posted soon.

Farewell to the Pump

So I recently mentioned my upcoming appointment with the R.E. In order for me to proceed with attempting to get pregnant with baby number two, I had to stop breastfeeding. This was not a decision I took lightly. It was extremely important to me to offer my son the best nutrition possible for as long as possible. In addition, my experience with breastfeeding was so positive that I didn’t have much incentive to move away from it, and actually felt very guilty about it, since it had been such an easy thing for me. Thankfully, due to a robust freezer supply, my son will be able to have some thawed breastmilk every day for a couple months.

To anyone who might read this who has just started breastfeeding, let me be clear. It was very easy and my supply was abundant AFTER I suffered through the first 4 weeks of adjusting to painful nipples (like toe curling pain), uncertainty about my son’s latch, uncertainty about my supply, general lack of interest in continuing breastfeeding etc. Once we got past these issues (and they all did pass with little intervention from me) it became the most natural and comfortable thing in the world. I nursed my son so easily and was able to pump and store between 8-12 ounces of milk per day due to a rigorous nurse then pump schedule. I became almost obsessed with the freezer supply…to the extent that if there was a thunderstorm, I would become panicky about the power failing and my freezers warming to the point that it couldn’t keep my 1,000+ ounces frozen.

Anyway, I began largely pumping and feeding my son bottles of expressed milk once I went back to work. I did continue to nurse for middle of the night wakings. The pumping was difficult to fit into my very busy schedule at work. I actually used my morning and evening commute to add in two additional pump sessions (pumping in the car while driving). I continued at 7 sessions for quite a while. I dropped the pump and drive sessions about a month after I started back to work, and continued to drop a pump session here and there until I finally got to only 2 sessions a day.

I feel that if I would have kept up with 4 sessions a day, I could have continued to make as much as the baby was eating, but it was a bigger time commitment than I could manage, so when I dropped to 2 sessions, I had to supplement with my freezer supply and I did one formula bottle a day just to get him used to it. Last week, I decided it was time to begin trying to get pregnant again. I decided to miss an evening pump and the next morning I was painfully engorged, but that night I skipped the evening pump again and the following morning I was not at all uncomfortable.

Now, I went from making 40-50 ounces a day to only making about 13-15 a day at the end, so my tapering down over many months made it a very easy transition, but I have to wonder why women suffer through engorgement when they wean. Wouldn’t it be easy enough to just nurse or pump less and less often over a couple of weeks? Anyway, I now am ready to pack up my pump for baby number two, and make the transition over to a woman who is no longer a pregnant woman or a brand new mom. I’m once again a woman who is re-joining the ranks of the infertiles to endure the struggles of trying to conceive.

Baby Fever

So I just made our first appointment with the R.E. for baby number two. It seems a bit crazy to jump right in with fertility treatments again without trying naturally, but I really feel it’s too risky to waste time considering I will be turning 37 this year. I feel like each month is a precious gift of dwindling fertility.

I have heard so many people say they really weren’t ready for their second one until their first was older, but I’m totally ready now. I suppose that could change if my 7 month old turns into a more difficult walking, talking toddler, but by that time (with any luck) we will already be pregnant with our second one and won’t be able to turn back.

The big day is April 18th Update: March 30th. I am pretty excited about it. I’m hoping my periods will return on their own before that. I could have made the appointment for next week, but thought my husband might feel rushed, so I gave us another month of breathing room. It might also allow my body and hormones to return to normal on their own. Update: I have no patience when it comes to these sorts of things, so I moved the appointment up to next week. My husband was a tad surprised, but seemed to think it made sense to move forward at least with the consultation, so that is what we will do.

Sleep

Ok, so my blogging has been slightly less frequent (sarcasm) since the baby has been born than it was when I was pregnant…and even then I was less frequent than I should have been. I have grown to love a very smiley, adorable, headstrong, smart, amazing little boy over the last six months. I headed back to work three months ago and have finally fallen into a routine that I think works for everyone. I am taking on a new role at work that should be more fulfilling and at the same time less demanding. So what is the problem? I’m not sure I’ll ever have a full night’s sleep again.

I am seriously getting close to my breaking point. I don’t know what to do other than to take one sleep book, any sleep book, and follow it to the letter without taking advice from any other book or modifying the advice to suit my instincts, even if that means I get even less sleep for the next two to four weeks while training my son to sleep. I haven’t yet taken this approach, because no matter what I do, I will never have control of what happens during the day while he’s at daycare. I could give them some instructions, such as to put him in his crib and let him cry til he falls asleep, but since I’m not entirely sure I want to enforce a cry it out technique, I don’t think this is a good strategy. I could also tell them not to let him sleep over a certain amount of time, but since I’m not clear on what the magic combination of sleep/nap/wake time is, I hate to disrupt what he’s naturally doing.

So here I am, mother to a six month old baby who still wakes generally twice per night and usually tries to get up for the day around 4:30am.

I know I am doing the following things wrong:

1. Not enforcing a strict bedtime – I love routine and this would be the easiest thing in the world for me to do, but my husband gets home so late that I often try to keep the baby up so he can see his daddy for a little bit before he goes to bed. This often means extending his bedtime by 30-45 minutes. I know this is bad for him, but I’m trying to prioritize time with a parent over a particular bedtime. I think I will modify this strategy and just put him in bed at the same time each and every night. As much as I hate to do that.
2. Putting him to bed too late – Bedtime is generally 7:30, but as mentioned above, I often allow him to stay up til 8:00-8:15pm to see daddy.
3. Nursing him back to sleep when he wakes in the middle of the night – I’m guilty of this because I know it works and it gets us both back in bed sooner.
4. Rocking him, feeding him, bouncing him, etc to sleep for every nap and bedtime. I just don’t know how to break him of this without using a cry-it-out (“CIO” from now on) technique. I tried CIO for a short time and while it did work, it was an awful experience for me. I’m not sure I am hardcore enough to continue it.

I also have great confusion over information out there on naps. My baby has a pretty textbook tolerance for waketime. He is now six months old and he is able to stay awake without fussiness for about 2-2.5 hours…no more. Many of the more casual books/websites recommend a 2-3 nap schedule for a six month old baby. This simply doesn’t fit into the amount of waketime my baby can manage. I also sometimes end up with a baby who needs a nap at like 6pm, but since it’s so close to bedtime, I’m not sure whether to nap him or just keep him up a little longer and put him to bed or put him to bed early. I’m just so confused.

I think the only answer for me now is to take a book and stick to the plan. I can’t waiver from it, look at advice online or pick and choose from different books until I find all the stuff I want to hear. The fact is, what I’m doing isn’t working. I need to alter it somehow.

Back To Work

So today I left my precious baby in the care of the local daycare center and drug myself to the office. I have to say it was a relatively painless process. I expected to feel very sad about this whole thing, but everything went smoothly, I felt that he was in good hands and I was sort of excited to get back to work. I’m sure this feeling will change as work becomes more of the humdrum normal life again, but we really rely on my income and more importantly my medical benefits, so since I don’t have much of a choice, it might as well be a good thing.

The last couple of months have been such a whirlwind. I have experienced so much trial and error with this baby and finally have kind of figured him out and now it’s time to hand him off. I feel that I have to have another child because I’ve learned so much about babies that it would be a complete waste not to have another one. At the same time, I tell other moms that and they tell me no two babies are ever the same, so maybe there’s this learning curve with all of them. I still think I would be in slightly better shape than I was this past time.