Frustrations...

Today is really not a good day for me to update this blog because despite all the good things going on in my life right now, I’m writing this post to complain.

My husband has been working on a career transition. This transition involves taking on a leadership role that will ultimately better him professionally and give him much needed experience for the future leadership roles he plans to take on in larger companies as the years go on. This position has been fulfilling and enlightening on many levels. It does, however, come at a pay rate that is significantly less than he was making in Enterprise Sales. This is not entirely bad news since a large percentage of the compensation in a sales role is based on commission and while my husband has always been very successful, he also could never really count on that commission until deals were done, contracts signed, and clients were in the process of paying for the products and services he provided, whereas in his role today, he has a guaranteed income that is enough for us to live on for years to come as well as the potential for a bonus that is equal to a minimum of 25% of his overall salary based on company performance.

Unfortunately, yesterday his company abruptly lost its largest client and hence took a potential revenue hit of 30%. This forced the company to lay off many hardworking individuals to stay afloat and although my husband’s job security is not affected, his salary will be. There is little to no chance of actually realizing the bonus this year and he may potentially be asked to take a pay cut.

I feel that we are still incredibly lucky to both be employed, making relatively good salaries, but this is just so hard for me to handle right now. I wanted to be in a really good place financially when this baby is born. I feel a little guilty for complaining, because we are in a much better position than many people are. We also have the privilege of living in a lovely home on lots of land and having many nice things. The trouble is, none of that matters to me anymore. I just want to be good parents to our child and if my husband’s income potential decreases, I feel that mine will have to increase to provide for the family. In a way this is good, because I need a wake up call to get me out of this ridiculous job I am in now. I need to be doing more with my mind, my abilities and my experience. The scary part is, I feel very stuck. I am 20 weeks pregnant. There is no question I’m pregnant, and even if I could pass it off, I would feel very awkward applying for positions and not mentioning the fact that in a few short months I will be taking three months off. It sounds as though I am overly stressed about this, but I really am not, I am calm, (because we are well prepared for financial hiccups and we can survive long term on a new reduced salary) but I am also thinking about the options on a nearly constant basis trying to find the best answers.

Many people would say to cut our expenses. I have considered this option. The difficult part of this is that we are not in a position where we can’t pay our mortgage. We easily can pay our mortgage, we are just living on less that we would like. This makes it incredibly foolish to do something like sell our house right now at a time when the housing market is so damaged that we would likely lose money on our house. I think maybe the answer is that we just need to get used to not having a lot of the extras that we are used to until things pick back up and watch the little expenditures more carefully.

I suppose now might also be the time to have a confidential discussion with our Head of Research in my office. I need to begin looking at a career path again. I got caught up in a fantasy of taking advantage of this menial position by possibly working part time or some other solution to spend more time with the baby, but I think I will need to put in my 40 hours a week and collect my benefits, so that we can be the best parents possible when we are home with the little one. I really would like to move up to a different role here in my own company. It allows me the ability to stay on the same great benefits as well as the flexibility to make a move now or wait until after the baby is born. My concern is that an entry level Research position (which is likely what I am qualified for at this time) may pay less than I actually make now. Although the ultimate career path is more lucrative, there is often a pay decrease when moving from a high level administrative role to an entry level role even in a higher level job description. All those questions could probably be answered with a short meeting with our Head of Research, but that is a bit risky as well, since it would need to remain confidential. I need to make sure no one gets wind of the fact that I’m “unsatisfied” with my position. We are still very vulnerable to layoffs, so I don’t want to throw up a red flag that I might be a flight risk, particularly in my “condition”.

I wish I had all the answers. I wish I knew that my husband’s company would rebound effectively from this blow and in six months, he would be back on track to make the salary I know he feels the most comfortable with. Again, I am thankful for all the things we do have. I’m also VERY thankful that I am pregnant which, in a way, is the reason I have all these issues to worry about. We are still in a very stable financial position to raise a child. He just may not have the fancy stroller and furniture I was hoping for. I suppose I can attest to the fact that there is no correlation between nice baby things, and a happy child.