My Parenting Style

I put a lot of thought into what type of parent I wanted to be prior to having my son. I had strong opinions on some things and had much more flexible ideas about other things. Several experiences along the way influenced my parenting style and I believe it will continue to evolve for the next several years. In fact, I’m not sure I will ever firmly be able to classify myself as a proponent of any particular parenting style.

One thing that really surprised me was the amount of controversy there was out there about every decision you made about your baby. I never expected it to be as hotly debated as it is…I mean we’re all just trying to take care of a little baby right? I literally would read books that had absolutely contradictory information and they would both describe the information as the ONLY acceptable way to handle the situation.

My parenting style could only be described as a melting pot of the different styles. This sometimes puts me in a position where I am confused about how I want to approach a situation, but it also allows me to step away from rigid beliefs in order to make things work for our family and potentially avoid a great deal of unnecessary stress.

My expectations when I was pregnant:
CHILDBIRTH: I would attempt a natural childbirth…I wasn’t dedicated to absolutely doing it. My birth plan was basically just “get the baby out safely”, but I believed there was benefit in laboring naturally and wanted to give myself (and my husband) the experience.

BREASTFEEDING: I knew I wanted to breastfeed (I didn’t have a timeline, but just knew I wanted to do it). Although I had little faith in my body’s ability to get pregnant or give birth, I never doubted my body’s ability to be able to nurse. I was aware of the potential challenges and certainly never took it for granted, but deep down, I expected this to come naturally to me.

FEEDING: I wanted to demand feed.

SLEEPING: I wanted my baby to sleep in his own bed, in his own room, from the very beginning.

CIO: Sort of open to it, but as a last resort.

What actually happened…and my feelings on that decision:
1. CHILDBIRTH: I labored naturally for 37 hours and finally had a c-section…I wouldn’t change a thing.

2. BREASTFEEDING: I breastfed exclusively until 7.5 months. (by that I mean no formula, I did start cereal and avocado at 4 months and other solids at 6 months). At 7.5 months, I stopped pumping and began feeding formula, with about 10 ounces a day of breastmilk from my freezer stash (I still am doing this until the freezer stash runs out)….I wouldn’t change a thing.

3. FEEDING: I demand fed and still do…I wouldn’t change a thing.

4. SLEEPING: Baby was in our room in a pack and play until he was about 12 weeks old…I wouldn’t change a thing

5. CIO: Started it at 7 months consistently…I generally wouldn’t change a thing, but I will address sleep issues sooner with a second child. I was such a slave to the wakeups and I think I might have been able to get these under control sooner if I had handled things differently there.

My personal opinions on each of the "controversial" topics:
CHILDBIRTH: This has to be a personal decision. I don’t think anyone should feel pressured to do a full-on natural childbirth, but I think, when possible, allowing labor to begin on its own has its advantages. It is a bit annoying that so many doctors want to schedule their calendars in advance, so they schedule inductions when they aren’t at all necessary. I certainly think that since great pain relief is available, moms should feel free to partake in that as soon as they are ready for it. On the other hand, dealing with that intense physical challenge as a team definitely brought my husband and me closer and gave him a respect for my strength that he hadn’t had previously.

BREASTFEEDING: I think it should be viewed as the best food for a baby, and I think it’s a shame if people don’t at least give it a chance, but if the challenges become overwhelming or if there is some reason that it won’t work for the mom, then fine…that’s why formula is there. It shouldn’t be a source of guilt for mothers who can’t or choose not to breastfeed. The fact that breastfeeding advocates have paved the way for those of us who are interested, is wonderful. The fact that I had a place to go during work to pump, and that people are expected to understand that inconvenience, made it easy for me to continue doing it for as long as I did.

FEEDING: I had a very demanding baby…he wanted to eat every 2 hours, no exceptions. If you tried to make him wait even 5 minutes, he made everyone miserable in the process. I didn’t fight it…I fed him whenever he was hungry. Now that he’s 8 months old, he goes 3-4 hours between feedings. He often can be convinced to wait a little longer if we’re in the car or something when he gets hungry. It’s just not a big deal. I would definitely demand feed again. It’s tough in the beginning to stay on that schedule, because you feel like that’s all you’re doing, but I don’t want to always be questioning myself about whether my baby has had enough to eat.

SLEEPING: Once I brought the baby home, I realized that it would be too much work to be going back and forth between our room and the nursery which was at the other end of the house. I was never opposed really to having the baby close by, but I thought it would be a difficult adjustment to get him to sleep in his bed if he didn’t start out there. Everything ended up being fine. It was tough as he got more alert because you had to tip toe into the room to get ready for bed, but we tried to get him moved out as soon as possible once he started being a lighter sleeper like that. I can’t imagine having him in there with us now, but for those who want that, I say go for it. It’s not for me, but again I think it's a personal decision.

CIO: I was actually opposed to CIO when the baby was very little. I could not imagine letting that little one cry himself to sleep, however, things changed considerably when he got older. It became apparent that he was in a habit of waking up and having me put him back down. It was just not the same as a tiny baby. The ability for me to open my mind to a method I was previously opposed to has been very helpful in this situation. I couldn’t be happier right now with the results from letting him cry a bit and work things out on his own. I’m not sure we would have gotten to the point we are now if we wouldn’t have let him cry.

I’ve rambled on for long enough, but to wrap up here…I’m just a parent trying to give my son a loving yet structured life where he can feel safe, comfortable and he can thrive as an independent child. Whatever type of parenting you call that is the parenting style I subscribe to.