Hi again

My baby boy turns 2 today!  I haven't blogged in forever because I find it difficult to think of things I want to talk about.  I love being a mom, but I find enough fulfillment just talking about that with my friends and family in real life.  I really enjoyed sharing my infertility experience with the world wide web and hopefully sharing some valuable tidbits with others going through the experience because we all know that it seems we are the only ones when it's going on.  I don't think I'm a mommy blogger.  It's not for me.  I have lots of anecdotes I would like to share, but I can't seem to find the time and motivation to get them posted...it also seems odd to just show up out of nowhere when I've been totally absent for months and just throw something out there on the blog.

Anyway, here I am again.  My husband and I (mostly him) came to a decision a while ago to be happy as a family of 3.  I initially resented this decision and the unilateral nature of it, but I have to say he was right.  Our son is the LIGHT OF MY LIFE, but he is a handful.  I often wonder if we might be dealing with more than just a normal high energy kid, but there is no need to put a name or label on him.  He is my busy boy.  He can be very happy and he can be very unhappy.  The only reason in the world I can think of to add to our family is simply to keep him from being an only child, but that is not a good enough reason.  We love our little family of 3.  We are the perfect size.  It is manageable, it is close, it is loving and it's perfect.  It's not exactly what I had in mind when I started down the path of fertility treatments, but life is almost never what you planned.  I am so very happy that my husband insisted on waiting to try again, and expressed his strong desire to keep this family small.  He was right, as he often is, and I'm grateful that we are parents of one amazing boy.

Over the last year, I have realized that there are some parts of my life that aren't as full as I would like them to be.  I have tried to make excuses for my career by saying that it is easy, I can leave work without thinking about it, blah blah blah, but the fact is I do not like my job, and I do not feel fulfilled or appreciated there.  I would just leave, but I really do enjoy the fact that I can leave every night at 5pm and not have to travel, etc.  I'm just not overly happy with the work.  I spend too much time there to be this unhappy.  I began searching my soul for the work or career that might bring me the happiness I wanted.  I have a bachelor's degree in finance.  This is a mystery to me.  I have no idea why I did that or how I even succeeded at it since I find it so boring.  I really wanted to make a change, but it wasn't going to be possible without embarking on more education in a different field.

After a great deal of thought and some real questioning, I came to the conclusion that the healthcare field is of great interest to me. After my own experiences in my infertility treatments, I found that the inner workings of the body is fascinating, and I certainly never cringe when I see a needle anymore.  I initially thought being a sonogram technician could be interesting, but I knew that wasn't "it".  There was more that I craved, I wanted an experience where I could be hands on with all aspects of patient care.  I have decided to pursue a nursing career.  This decision was not made lightly and I have spent the last year in pre-requisite courses so that I can apply to nursing school next year.  I am only able to take a couple courses at a time, since I want to continue to work full time for now.  It makes for busy times, but busy in a good way.  The kind of busy that happens when you're working on something that matters.  That's what I was missing in my work life, the concept of doing something I care about.

I think some mothers would probably feel that being a mom should be enough, and maybe it would be enough if I didn't work too, but spending 40+ hours a week (plus many more readying and transporting myself) to something you not only don't love, but that you kind of hate, can be a downer.  I still have to work, but it no longer is my sad  future.  It has become a means to an end.  I must work to make money to allow me to pursue what I really do want to do.

So there you have it.  I'm not a mommy blogger, I'm not an infertility blogger, but if all goes well, and I can make the time to actually blog, I'm becoming a nursing school (and pre-requisite completion) blogger.  :)

Oh and just to make sure I am clear, my little man (and my big man) are the best things in my life.  I can't wait to spend more time with both of them.  My son gets more fun every single day.  His words are more and more humorous and enjoyable.  His personality is developing and he is just an amazing little boy that I look forward to seeing each and every morning and night.  Happy birthday my sweet pea!